Fear can get in the way of us living our best and fullest lives by preventing us from reaching out and asking for things in case they don’t work out. We worry that we’re not enough so we try ever harder, or we feel like we’re too much so we dampen down our brightness to blend in. All of these things can prevent us from living life to the full. 

Fear of humiliation and rejection

One of the biggest fears that hold us back, is the fear of humiliation and rejection. How many times have you thought about applying for your dream job, but you’ve not actually applied for it in case you don’t get it or in case you get to interview and they ask you something you can’t answer. or ask you to do something you can’t do?

How often have you thought of asking for a discount in a shop but haven’t in case you get humiliated and or rejected? What about in your romantic life? Have you ever considered asking that special person on a date but then shied away in case they screech ‘ew no!’ and run away leaving you feeling rejected and humiliated?

Fear of  success/ failure 

Now I don’t know about you, but I fear success and failure in equal measure. Part of me is scared to do things in case I fail and have to explain to people why I’m no longer doing whatever. So I don’t apply for that course, I don’t apply for that job, I don’t do anything that doesn’t have a virtually guaranteed acceptance rate.

Conversely  I also worry about being hugely successful and not being able to go about my daily life unnoticed. Many years ago a family friend used to shuffle to Spar in his slippers (his words not mine) and even though I have never ever needed to shuffle to Spar in my slippers the thought of being unable to do this terrifies me! 

Fear of not being enough 

Often we worry that we’re not enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not clever enough, not earning enough, not busy enough that we over compensate and end up trying way too hard to be enough.

Our need for perfection in all areas can hold us back from living our best lives because we spend too much time doing things to the highest standard, rather than doing them so they’re done. Trying too hard is exhausting. 

Fear of being too much 

The flip side of not being enough is the fear that we’re too much. Too loud, too confident, too vibrant, too independent, too whacky, too woo woo, too out there. So we dim our flame in an attempt to fit in.

But if you think of the people you like the most, I bet they are the ones who have the confidence to to be their real authentic selves, with bright hair and vibrant clothes and opinions on just about everything. So show your brightest light and let it be a lighthouse for other people to find their way too.

Fear of not being loveable enough

We often worry about not being loveable enough. The media screeches at us that we need to be this way and look that way and do this or that in order to be loveable. But in fact we’re loveable just the way we are. We don’t need to have a face lift, loose 20 pounds or be perfect in order to be loved. You are loveable just the way you are.

Fear of wasting our time

Have you thought of writing a book, or starting a project but worried that if no one reads it or no one needs your product or service, you’ve simply wasted loads of time (and/or loads of money)

If you have, you’re not alone. I was thinking about this the other day then realised that I had spent (wasted?) loads of time watching all 248 episodes of Silent Witness. Time that I COULD have been writing books or starting new business enterprises etc.

Fear of other people’s thoughts and opinions

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing or wearing something because you worried what other people may think? Maybe you’re stuck in a corporate job that’s sucking the life out of your soul when you’d rather be a travel writer writing travel blogs from a camper van overlooking a beach.

Maybe you want to dye your hair bright colours or wear funky clothes but you think people may laugh or look down on you if you do? Maybe you yearn to downsize your home and your bills to live a simpler life but worry that people won’t get it or will look down on you for having a bijou residence?

Interestingly most people seem to be so wrapped up in their own ‘stuff’ to be that interested in what you’re doing. Those who do have an opinion generally seem to be in awe of what you do, wishing they too had the courage to downsize, free up time or be more vibrant with their look. 

How to overcome these fears

Know that no one is that bothered about what you do, what you wear, or if you fail or succeed. Most people would be flattered to be asked out, even if they weren’t interested. You absolutely are loveable enough just as you are, and you’re just right for the right person. If you get a rejection see it as as blessing, you can then move on to the next thing/job/person, often there is something much better around the corner.

If you do write a book or start a new business venture you’re likely to learn loads of interesting things even if it doesn’t work out. Most people won’t judge you for trying, and those who do aren’t worth worrying about.

If you are successful you may well be able to get someone else to shuffle to Spar in their slippers  for you. It is safe to be playful and see what happens. 

Other articles you might like

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/