7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life

7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life

Fear can get in the way of us living our best and fullest lives by preventing us from reaching out and asking for things in case they don’t work out. We worry that we’re not enough so we try ever harder, or we feel like we’re too much so we dampen down our brightness to blend in. All of these things can prevent us from living life to the full. 

image of a woman holding her face as if she is facing the fear of humiliation

Fear of humiliation and rejection

One of the biggest fears that hold us back, is the fear of humiliation and rejection. How many times have you thought about applying for your dream job, but you’ve not actually applied for it in case you don’t get it or in case you get to interview and they ask you something you can’t answer. or ask you to do something you can’t do?

How often have you thought of asking for a discount in a shop but haven’t in case you get humiliated and or rejected? What about in your romantic life? Have you ever considered asking that special person on a date but then shied away in case they screech ‘ew no!’ and run away leaving you feeling rejected and humiliated?

image of a woman rejoicing to illustrate the fear of success

Fear of  success/ failure 

Now I don’t know about you, but I fear success and failure in equal measure. Part of me is scared to do things in case I fail and have to explain to people why I’m no longer doing whatever. So I don’t apply for that course, I don’t apply for that job, I don’t do anything that doesn’t have a virtually guaranteed acceptance rate.

Conversely  I also worry about being hugely successful and not being able to go about my daily life unnoticed. Many years ago a family friend used to shuffle to Spar in his slippers (his words not mine) and even though I have never ever needed to shuffle to Spar in my slippers the thought of being unable to do this terrifies me! 

Image of sassy women smiling to illustrate fear of being too much

Fear of not being enough 

Often we worry that we’re not enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not clever enough, not earning enough, not busy enough that we over compensate and end up trying way too hard to be enough.

Our need for perfection in all areas can hold us back from living our best lives because we spend too much time doing things to the highest standard, rather than doing them so they’re done. Trying too hard is exhausting. 

Fear of being too much 

The flip side of not being enough is the fear that we’re too much. Too loud, too confident, too vibrant, too independent, too whacky, too woo woo, too out there. So we dim our flame in an attempt to fit in.

But if you think of the people you like the most, I bet they are the ones who have the confidence to to be their real authentic selves, with bright hair and vibrant clothes and opinions on just about everything. So show your brightest light and let it be a lighthouse for other people to find their way too.

Image of a love heart made out of book pages to illustrate fear of not being loveable enough

Fear of not being loveable enough

We often worry about not being loveable enough. The media screeches at us that we need to be this way and look that way and do this or that in order to be loveable. But in fact we’re loveable just the way we are. We don’t need to have a face lift, loose 20 pounds or be perfect in order to be loved. You are loveable just the way you are.

Image of a hand putting a clock in the bin to illustrate fear of wasting time

Fear of wasting our time

Have you thought of writing a book, or starting a project but worried that if no one reads it or no one needs your product or service, you’ve simply wasted loads of time (and/or loads of money)

If you have, you’re not alone. I was thinking about this the other day then realised that I had spent (wasted?) loads of time watching all 248 episodes of Silent Witness. Time that I COULD have been writing books or starting new business enterprises etc.

Fear 7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life other peoples opinion

Fear of other people’s thoughts and opinions

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing or wearing something because you worried what other people may think? Maybe you’re stuck in a corporate job that’s sucking the life out of your soul when you’d rather be a travel writer writing travel blogs from a camper van overlooking a beach.

Maybe you want to dye your hair bright colours or wear funky clothes but you think people may laugh or look down on you if you do? Maybe you yearn to downsize your home and your bills to live a simpler life but worry that people won’t get it or will look down on you for having a bijou residence?

Interestingly most people seem to be so wrapped up in their own ‘stuff’ to be that interested in what you’re doing. Those who do have an opinion generally seem to be in awe of what you do, wishing they too had the courage to downsize, free up time or be more vibrant with their look. 

Overcome fear, image of person stood on a rock like a muppet with a cloudy moody background

How to overcome these fears

Know that no one is that bothered about what you do, what you wear, or if you fail or succeed. Most people would be flattered to be asked out, even if they weren’t interested. You absolutely are loveable enough just as you are, and you’re just right for the right person. If you get a rejection see it as as blessing, you can then move on to the next thing/job/person, often there is something much better around the corner.

If you do write a book or start a new business venture you’re likely to learn loads of interesting things even if it doesn’t work out. Most people won’t judge you for trying, and those who do aren’t worth worrying about.

If you are successful you may well be able to get someone else to shuffle to Spar in their slippers  for you. It is safe to be playful and see what happens. 

Other articles you might like

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/

 

Struggling to concentrate? This may be why!

Struggling to concentrate? This may be why!

Are you struggling to concentrate? Find it hard to focus on anything for more than a few minutes? You’re not alone. It could be caused by the numerous distractions we face every day. 

Think back to your childhood. Chances are you would have had a postman and a landline, and if you were lucky enough a scattering of children who lived near by that you could hang out with.

As you got a bit older, chances are you would have had a desktop computer which you would sit at and do computer based things, before switching it off again to go about your day. At this point you would have had limited distractions and if you went out for the day you wouldn’t be contactable. So you would have had plenty of time to think and focus. You may have got home to a message on your answering machine, but other than that the time was your own without the constant distractions of today. There simply wasn’t the same amount of things vying for your attention back then.

Email came along and at that time was mainly photos from family, and friends sending jokes and memes to make you laugh, but in smallish quantities so you could easily go back to what you were doing without losing too much focus.

Then we got mobile phones which originally only had texting and calling facilities. It cost loads of money to make calls and send texts so again there were limited distractions.

Compare this to a modern phone with apps and games and social media platforms all vying for what’s left of your concentration, and companies emailing you to persuade you to buy this or that, or demanding for you let them know how highly you rated your trip to the public loo yesterday.

All these notifications make us break our focus and concentration, even if it is for a few seconds at a time. We are used to the excitement of  notifications, especially if we’re looking forward to hearing from someone special or waiting for the outcome of a job interview. On the one hand the notifications drive us mad but on the other we crave those likes on our Facebook posts, those comments on our tiktok videos and people favouriting our items on Vinted! 

We’re also faced with having way too many choices. Back in the day if we went out for coffee we would have a choice of filter coffee or tea. None of this would you like a skinny decaf frapalapacino nonsense back then. Our brains get faced with so many choices about the most mundane of things which cause us to be overstimulated and overstimulation is bad for concentration. We go into shops and are faced with a barrage of sights and sounds and smells, often cleverly crafted to help us make impulse purchases that we think we need but don’t. So we end up overstimulated, running on adrenaline and unable to concentrate fully.

 

What is the solution? How do we make it stop?

Firstly try turning off any unnecessary notifications. Unless you need your phone to ping at you constantly put it on silent or do not disturb. Hide notification badges for any app that you don’t consider to be crucial.

Take some time out where you switch off the tv and radio, put your phone in a different room on silent for a couple of hours. Turn the lights down low or switch them off . Just sit for a while. Sit in silence with no background noise, listen to your inner knowing, let the thoughts that you have come to the surface but don’t engage with them, let them float away, Take some big, long, deep breaths. Turn your email settings onto receiving emails way less frequently. Instead of every few minutes how about having them set to twice a day? *Obviously if you need to see them more often don’t do this, but if you can, try it.

Ensure you put time in your diary to do absolutely nothing so you can sit without distractions and let your body come back into its own natural balance. You will find that you will likely sleep better as you will naturally feel calmer and your stress levels will be reduced. Pencil in times of unbusyness so you can truly switch off and unwind.

Often we don’t realise how busy our lives are until we stop. I know that I didn’t appreciate quite how busy and at times noisy my life was until the other week when I went to a vigil at our local cathedral. There we had low lighting and silence. There were no mobile phones pinging, no notifications from any social media platforms, just companionable silence. Time to sit in silent contemplation. It was almost hypnotic and I could have stayed for longer as it felt super calming and soothing. It was then that I realised what a contrast that was with my usual everyday life. 

 

 

How to have more body confidence

How to have more body confidence

How to have more body confidence

Have you ever felt self-conscious about your body or wished you had more body confidence? If you’ve ever talked yourself out of doing or wearing something because of the way your body looks, this post is for you.

When I was younger it never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with my body. It was what it was. In those days I had ginger ringlets in my hair and big, bright blue eyes. Adults thought I looked cute, but children took the mickey out of me. I was ‘solidly built’ or ‘big boned’ as my mother would say. But I was ok with that. I couldn’t see what the fuss was about.

Image of three teenage girls reading magazines whilst having their hair wrapped in towels to illustrate body confidence

How to have more body confidence – don’t believe all you read in magazines

Then one fateful day as a teenager I read a quiz in a magazine aimed at teenage girls and no matter what answers you gave, it led you back to the point that you needed to change, that your body was flawed, it even hinted that you should hate one part of your body.  ‘Which bit of your body do you hate the most?’ It screeched. I didn’t hate my body. I don’t hate my body. It is what it is. But it got me thinking. Should I hate my body? Should I be looking for imperfections, or criticising my double chins or knobbly knees?

For years I looked at magazines and felt sad because I wasn’t super thin like ladies of the time in the media. I felt inadequate, unattractive. Worthless at times. This was ‘helpfully’ backed up by the narrative that you could only be attractive or confident if you lost loads of weight or had a conventional look. At the back of my mind I kept thinking was it not ok to simply accept every little bit of my body and just get on with life?

It took me a long, long time after this to realise that actually yes, I can certainly just accept the way my body is and learn to love it, without wasting precious hours worrying if I carry too much weight here, or if parts of me which once were pert and up there are now erm not!

Over the years I came to see that scars from accidents and operations, stretch marks, scars where chicken pox or acne once were, are just telling your story. See every scar and stretch mark like part of the tapestry of your life. I’ve learned to embrace my laughter lines as I only got them because I spent so much time crinkling my eyes up to laugh at something I found funny!

How do you get more body confidence?

Firstly, I would remember that people probably aren’t even thinking about which bits of you aren’t perfect. They’ve probably not even noticed. The truth is they’re more likely to be worrying about their own scars and saggy bits than worrying about yours! Or they might be noticing things they do like about you.

Think about when you meet someone for the first time. Are you conscious of thinking negative thoughts about their saggy bits or scars? I bet you aren’t. If you’re not, chances are they won’t be either. Once you realise that no one actually cares what you look like, you can heave a massive sigh of relief and feel more confident!

image of woman wearing green thick jumper holding her thumbs up

See your body as being exactly right as it is today.

The easiest way to get more body confidence is to see it for what it is, a fantastic. beautiful thing. What do you like about your body? Do you have good legs, or nice eyes? Have people complimented you on having luscious long hair maybe? In turn learn to love all the rest of it, exactly how it is today. Without losing or gaining pounds in weight, without having to shave or pluck it. Just as it is.

By all means do the pruning, shave your legs and paint your toenails if you like but don’t beat yourself up if you’ve not got around to it for a while.

Embrace every tiny part of you and know you are just right exactly how you are. You’re not too big, too fat, too thin, too small, too floppy, too flappy, too tall or too short. You are exactly right, just as you are.

Body confidence image of some funky necklaces on a warm background

Accentuate your good bits

Accentuate your good bits – draw attention towards them by wearing things that drag the eyes to what you want them to focus on. A bold piece of jewellery or an interesting lipstick can drag the eyes away from a bad hair day. Or wear interesting boots or jazzy socks or an unusual hat.

Image of a pair of jeans with the zip gaping. Illustrating body confidence

Wear the right clothes

Wear clothes that make you feel good. Good, well-fitting underwear, the right size jeans that fit snuggly but don’t nip you or randomly fall down make all the difference. Experiment with colour, texture and shapes. The right clothes, shoes and accessories can make you feel on top of the world. Ditch any clothes that make you feel awful especially if they don’t look good, or don’t fit properly.

If you have loads of clothes or shoes that you hardly wear, try re-auditioning them. Get them out of the cupboard and wear them once. If you find you still don’t gel with them, either post them on Vinted or donate them to a charity shop or charity donation bin.

image of a woman wearing a floppy sun hat on a beach at sunset to illustrate body confidence

How to get a beach ready body

If you’re worried if your body is ‘beach ready’ believe me, it is! Just grab a bag and your beach stuff and go! I’ve been to the beach 5 times in as many months and honestly just go! I dare you!

Read my other articles 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem/

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/what-is-self-love/

 

 

 

Burnout – what it is and what you can do about it!

Burnout – what it is and what you can do about it!

What is burnout?

Burnout can be defined as mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion caused by extreme stress or constant pressure, often over a lengthy period of time. It usually comes with a lack of motivation, and even the most enjoyable things in life lose their appeal. If you’ve ever wished the world could stop so you could get off for a while, you may well be suffering with some form of burnout. 

What causes burnout? 

Feeling like you have a lot of pressure, a stressful job, not enough hours in the day, not enough time to enjoy hobbies. Pressure you put yourself under to do a great job or be perfect can also lead to burn out. Masking to fit in with others in society can also lead to burnout. Having a lot of deadlines close together without any reprieve can also cause burnout. 

Physically people may burn out when they’re doing too much exercise, not getting enough sleep and /or not having regular healthy meals. 

How do I avoid burnout?

Firstly see if there is anything you can delegate to someone else – do you have to do everything on your list yourself? Often we can lessen our workloads by outsourcing things we don’t need to do ourselves to someone else. This may also include hiring a gardener or a cleaner (or both!)

If you’re struggling at work with your workload or are struggling to understand what is expected of you it may help to speak to your manager or supervisor to get their support and understanding. They may be able to lighten your load in some way.

Secondly ensure that you get the things you physically need. Enough sleep, plenty of good quality protein, fruit and vegetables. Staying hydrated. If you hate drinking water try adding something to it to make it taste better like a slice of lemon, or lime or cucumber. Or add ice or have it hot. 

Give yourself enough headspace and blank slots in the diary. We all need time to unwind, rest, potter and socialise. If your diary is looking too full see what you can cross out of it so you have time to do the things you love.

If possible have early nights or at least time each evening to unwind. Maybe switch off the tv, dim the lighting a little bit, put on some soft music or some candles and just breathe deeply.

The other week I was feeling a bit burned out so I got myself a jigsaw from the charity shop, put on a podcast and made a cup of tea and had a super chilled out evening mindfully putting the puzzle pieces in the right place! 

Think about what nourishes you emotionally and spiritually. Who and what makes your heart sing or set your soul on fire? Do more of the things that make you happy and avoid things that are negative for the sake of being negative. So switch off the news channels and unfollow the negative people from social media. Unfollow friends who always moan on social media.

Have something to look forward to – could be days out, meeting friends for coffee or lunch, play time for arts and crafting, trips to the coast, holidays, concerts or time to simply do nothing! 

What do I do if I burn out?

Cancel everything you can possibly cancel! Sometimes we just need to have a deep rest and reset.

Eat light foods that are nourishing and comforting. Cocoon yourself in a blanket. Go for walks or swims and get some fresh air. Take as many naps as you need. Watch funny movies, put on some cartoons. do some crafting. But be gentle on yourself and allow yourself the time to simply be for a while. Don’t push yourself to do anything strenuous. Talk nicely to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Go gently. Keep stimulation to a minimum. If necessary dim the lights and put on soft music. Do the bare minimum you need to do to get through each day until you start to feel better.

Focus on getting plenty of sleep. Sleep helps to restore us and is great for the soul. You may need to invest in some blackout blinds or heavy curtains, or to buy a pillow mist, play a sleep podcast, get some different bedding – experiment with pillow heights and heavy blankets, often we need weighing down and the right pillow in order for us to be able to sleep effectively.

If you’re waking up in the night try having a little light supper before bed, especially something that involves some protein and carbohydrates. Having a set routine to going to bed and getting up again can be helpful as can having set meal times.

Have a series of massages, reflexology treatments or reiki sessions to unwind and support you. Managing stress is key with burnout. Alternatively look into mindfulness classes or something relaxing like yoga nidra.

Once you start to feel less burned out and feel like you’re on the road to recovery think about how you’d like your life to look. What would that look like? What steps can you take to make it happen? Sometimes we need to tweak things a little bit in order to create a life that supports and nourishes us.

This may include working fewer hours or changing roles entirely. Or it could involve giving up a volunteering role, or looking for something more in alignment with your current values and aspirations! It could be starting a new hobby or side hustle giving you a renewed sense of purpose. Often when we get burned out we lose that motivation and our va va voom! Having a really good reason to get out of bed on a morning can help ease burnout. 

Things to try:

Try my chicken and leek soup recipe for something that’s restorative https://www.mamacoopskitchen.co.uk/chicken-and-leek-soup/

 

Read my articles on sleep 

How long does burnout take to pass over?

This largely depends on the individual and how burned out they were. If you have a mild case of burnout it may pass over in as little as a few weeks but more extreme cases may take months or even years to pass over. 

How do I ensure burnout doesn’t happen again?

Whilst there are no guarantees that it won’t happen again, watch out for the warning signs, the sinking into mental, physical and emotional exhaustion and notice when motivation starts to dwindle and top up your levels with things that you love doing and attempt to delegate anything you as an individual don’t need to do yourself. Ensure that you always have something to look forward to and enough sleep, rest, exercise, water and good food. If you do find yourself heading towards burnout go gently on yourself for a while until it goes away again!

 

Time to rip up the rule book!

Time to rip up the rule book!

It’s time to rip up the rule book, here’s why!

Have you ever caught yourself obeying rules that were set by someone else? I’m not meaning the law or the highway code, (yes you do have to follow those rules!) but rules that someone else has made up for you, be it your mum, your family, society in general? I  believe that it’s time to rip up the rule book of all those outdated, unwarranted and unnecessary rules so we can achieve freedom and start living the life we want to live! 

Rip up the rule book rest when you need to

Rest when your body tells you to rest!

This thought process was sparked off in part by something that happened to me the other week. I was in bed feeling absolutely exhausted. It was a day when I didn’t have to be anywhere until lunchtime and my bones were feeling weary. At one point I’d had to check to see if somehow I’d got velcro velcroing me to the bed, I felt that tired!

My thought was that I needed to get up and get going, to do something productive. To be at my desk by 9 am tackling the pile of paperwork every self-employed person generates! Or to start wrestling with the washing pile or to do something… doing nothing seemed like a terrible waste of time somehow.

Then I thought of one of my friends who is very good at following her own biorhythms and who does honour herself when she needs to rest and I thought actually it’s ok to rest, there are no rules, you don’t HAVE to be up and at your desk, in full make up, showered and dressed at 9 am every day (I’m self-employed so my boss will indeed allow this. Those of you who are employed may not have this freedom, but certainly you can apply this principle during weekends and on days off)

In the end I had a 90 min nap and woke up feeling like a whole new woman so I must have needed some sleep that day!

Rip up the rule book image of young dark haired woman wearing a white jumper and denim dungarees on a blue sky background

Wear what you like!

The second incident that alerted me to this need to rip up the rule book was in a charity shop last week. I was mooching around the clothing section when I overheard a lady glumly announce that she couldn’t possibly wear the gorgeous green cargo pants that she had in her hands because she was 80! I couldn’t help it, I went marching over to her and told her that she absolutely could buy and wear the cargo pants because there are no rules stating that you can’t wear cargo pants once you’re 80!

Plus from my experience of wearing my llama drama dungarees, no one actually cares about what you’re wearing. I had felt a bit scared to wear my dungarees out in case someone had a negative opinion of them! I was a bit put out when no one batted a blooming eyelid!

All these years I’ve been playing it safe, wearing mumsy outfits so no one would think I’m bonkers (well, ok, those who know me may argue with that diagnosis but hey you know what I mean!) So my advice is that you wear what you want, (as long as it’s decent!) and if you need to rest a while and take time to recharge your own batteries, then absolutely do that! 

If you’d like to get a glimpse of my llama dungarees click here

Start new projects whenever makes sense for you!

Another stupid rule that I’ve subconsciously taken on board as my own include that you shouldn’t start a new project on a Friday ‘because it won’t get finished’ This was one of my mums big things, but it turns out that Friday is a day when I seem to be more energised and bushy tailed that other days of the week so for me starting something on a Friday would work. And frankly if I start something it’s way more likely to get finished than if I don’t start it.

rip up the rule book image of person splashing barefoot in a puddle

Do the fun stuff first!

My mum was also a big advocate of not doing anything fun until all your jobs have been done. Whilst I confess this morning I have run around attempting to get the house tidy before starting writing this, I do think doing all your jobs first and then having fun can be a bit like expecting your mobile phone to work before you’ve charged it up fully! So my thought is rip up that rule too and try doing something you love first before you start on the chores!

I find if I do my art, or writing or something creative – even spending a bit of time outdoors, I can get so much more done because I’m in the flow, my happy hormones are there.

I also find creative solutions to doing work and housework tasks if I’ve been creative before I start! I’m left feeling like my personal battery is on 100%.

So I’d highly recommend creating a new rule which gives you permission to do things in the way that makes sense for you. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else (Mother!) 

rip up the rule book choose a job you love, image of woman holding a coffee mug next to a laptop with job search written on it

Do the job that you love, not the job you’ve been told to have!

Many years ago my friends and I were sitting around the table in Sainsburys coffee shop (we know how to live life to the full!) and each of us had a story that essentially went ‘I wanted to be a ________ but my parents said I had to do ____________ so I trained to do _________ but I wasn’t happy so in the end I decided to do______ instead.’

It was interesting how we all had a version of this. I think often we can get so het up on what society wants to us to have (a big job, a big car, a big house, flashy holidays, responsibility and a big pension) and that’s absolutely fine if that’s what you want!

But so often what we want is to have a quiet life, with key people surrounding us and time to pursue our own interests and day trips to the beach. I know I aspire to that.

So if you’re not currently doing a job that sets your soul on fire, think about what you would like to do and see if you can do more of that, or if you can volunteer to do something more in alignment with the things you’d like to do.

Be a trailblazer as life is too short to be spending 40+ hours a week doing something that makes you grind your teeth at night.

rip up the rule book image of passports an ipad and the sea

Holidays don’t have to be for a long time, be a long way away or terribly expensive! 

Last year I didn’t take any time off at all, and got to the point by December I had crumbled into a big heap. This year I have decided to make a point of taking holiday days. I’ve realised that I always thought holidays need to be expensive, exotic, for a fortnight (at least!) and involve a lot of hassle.

I’ve realised this is another rule that needs to be ripped from the rule book! It is perfectly possible to feel like you’ve had a mini holiday by doing something as simple as going to the beach, spending a few two pence pieces in the arcade, having a bag of freshly made doughnuts and taking a photo of seagulls that stay still long enough!

Using apps like Skyscanner and Google Flights you can book holidays fairly cheaply it turns out! If you do some research on the internet you may find that there are ways of getting into major cities from airports without expensive taxi rides so it doesn’t need to be as expensive as you might think!

Other things you could do include visit local hotels that have a spa for a spa day, or simply take yourself out for lunch and visit a local museum or two! 

Further Reading:

Here’s a blog post I wrote years and years ago about my mini one day holiday in Harrogate https://sparkle442.blogspot.com/2014/02/what-treasures-are-on-your-doorstep.html 

Read my blog post on creating the life you want. 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

Emotional Regulation – Simple ways to regulate your emotions

Emotional Regulation – Simple ways to regulate your emotions

What helps with emotional regulation?

If you feel hurt, upset or angry there are things you can do to help regulate your emotions and help yourself to quickly come back to a calm state.

Firstly try taking some deep breaths. If necessary and if it’s safe to do so, excuse yourself from the situation so you can take a few minutes to process what you’re thinking and feeling.

It’s easy to lash out when you’re in an heightened emotional state. Don’t try to fix anything until you feel calm and the emotion has left the situation. This helps you not say something in the heat of the moment that you later regret.

Emotional regulation clarify

Ask the other person for clarity, even if it’s not what you wanted to hear.

Often we feel emotional because something has happened (or not happened!) and we’re left feeling unloved, unwanted and downright confused.  It is always useful to ask questions to establish what actually is going on.

Often it transpires that whatever story we’d told ourselves to explain the situation simply isn’t the case.

My mum was on the point of writing a really mean letter to her cousin to complain that she’d not heard from her cousin for a while. I suggested that perhaps she should ring her cousin to find out what the truth was. It turned out in her case that her cousin had broken her hip and had been in traction for 10 weeks, hence the lack of letter!

It is important to allow the other person a safe environment to truthful, and to really listen to what they have to say. It is always better to establish the truth, even if it’s not what you want to hear. At least then you can start processing the truth and start coming to terms with it. You may of course find that you had nothing to worry about and that all is well. But it’s a good idea to check rather than jumping to the wrong conclusions!

emotional regulation  jumping to conclusions. image of a vibrant sky background with people jumping in the air

Avoid passive aggression – phrases like ‘you don’t love me any more’, ‘you clearly don’t value my time or my help’ or ‘if you wanted to you would’ are just not helpful so avoid using that kind of phrases.

Avoid using arrow words aimed at hurting the other person. If you’re feeling hurt that isn’t an excuse to hurt the other person. It is possible to explain how you feel and you be ok and the other person also be ok. Be respectful and mindful of what you say to the other person to avoid making them feel upset and hurt too.

Avoid jumping to conclusions, filling in your own gaps or apportioning meaning to things without establishing the truth of the matter first.

Do you feel triggered?

Often we find that we feel upset, hurt or angry when something that has happened just now triggers an old wound or reminds us of an earlier time when something painful happened maybe in our childhood.

If you do find that you’re getting triggered by things it can be useful to establish what the triggers are and if they’re still true for today. Maybe when you see a friend chatting intensely to another friend, you remember that time when as a primary school child you were abandoned because your best friend ditched you for someone else?

Or maybe you’re worried that you’re going to end up alone again because your partner will find someone else more interesting than you. Just think about whether these things are actually true of the situation arising today and if they’re helpful. Chances are you’ve since lost other people and survived alone. 

Maybe you find that you’re triggered by not being picked for something and this reminds you of being the last one being picked for the team in High school PE? and you get that sense of worry about what is wrong with you to make you not being picked and you’re left feeling a bit dejected and unwanted again like you were all those years ago? 

Emotional Regulation do some detective work

Do a bit of detective work!

It can help to talk about the emotions you’re feeling and to label them. I have recently realised that the biggest emotion I feel is anxiety – in the past I’d incorrectly thought it was jealousy but actually it isn’t it’s anxiety at the thought of being somehow defective and like I said above of being abandoned for someone more interesting.

I can trace the triggers for this back to an earlier time too. I’ve now realised that actually I will be ok even if things don’t work out for me the way I want, and that even if I don’t get picked for things this doesn’t mean I’m a rubbish person or no use to anyone. Sometimes it takes a bit of detective work to figure out what is actually going on!

Image of happy young woman with long brown hair, wearing a pink cardigan and white t-shirt looking happy whilst on a blue sky background

Positive things you can do to help regulate your emotions.

Set yourself up with a positive environment. If you have your other needs met you will likely find that your emotions will be more stable. So try to stay hydrated, have regular healthy balanced meals so you don’t end up feeling hangry. Get plenty of sleep, and surround yourself with people who like, support and admire you and who you can feel at home with. Praise yourself for your achievements and avoid negative self-talk. 

Prepare in advance some strategies to help you self-soothe.

If you do find that you are feeling dysregulated you can simply deploy one of your coping mechanisms. 

If you feel like spiralling down a negative rabbit hole allow yourself about 15 mins to spiral and then start deploying your coping mechanisms. A good coping mechanism can be to journal out whatever you’re worrying about. Let rip into your journal, don’t feel you have to keep up being Mr or Mrs Nice Guy- just spit it all out. If you sound like a cow-bag so be it! Just ensure it’s for your eyes only and that no one reads it!

If journaling isn’t for you try calling a friend, taking a bath or shower or going for a swim, taking some photographs or doing some art. Do anything that will take your mind off it long enough for you to come back into a calm state.

Learn to validate yourself, rather than waiting for someone else’s undivided attention or praise and admiration from someone else. Tell yourself you’re doing a great job, be kind to yourself and keep busy so you’re not waiting around for other people to give you a pat on the head or to tell you how fabulous you are. Know you are fabulous just the way you are without anyone else telling you!

Release emotions appropriately. No one in the history of mankind has ever been able to calm down just by being told to calm down! I remember as a child of about 5 years old and very cross about something and I got sent to my dad’s chair to calm down which actually made me even more cross!

There are ways of releasing anger safely, including plumping pillows and kneading bread. Or go for a long brisk walk into the middle of nowhere and actually scream your head off if you like! 

image of a row of floating ducks on a vibrant background

Try the ‘water of a ducks back’ approach

If you find that you’re unnecessarily being picked at by someone close to you, try to not absorb what they’re saying to you. Imagine yourself wearing a very slippery coat which is impenetrable by the nit-picking. Imagine the persons words literally floating over you and down the drain. Don’t take them on board. Let them go. It isn’t always very easy to do. Let the words float over your head and don’t engage with them, that way they hopefully won’t upset you.

Over to you!

How do you regulate your emotions? Do you have any great tips to share with us? Please leave them in the comments. If you have enjoyed this article please feel free to share it with your friends.

Further Reading: You may like to read my article on self esteem https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem/ 
There is also an article from Psychology Today about Emotional Regulation which you may find interesting https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/emotion-regulation

10 Quick and easy ways to upgrade your life

10 Quick and easy ways to upgrade your life

Do you want to upgrade your life?

Are you not sure where to start, or worry that it’s going to take loads of time, or worse loads of money? Don’t worry! Here are 10 quick and easy ways to upgrade your life that don’t cost a lot of money or take up much of your time! 

Easy ways to upgrade your life. Image of a good bottle of wine and two glasses on a blue and sparkling background

Use (or lose!) your best stuff!

Do you have ‘stuff’ that you keep for best? If so dig it out and use it, or have the courage to ditch it completely!

Don’t spend your life using shoddy stuff if you’ve got good stuff stuffed in a cupboard somewhere! Ditto the lingerie set you’re keeping for best, and the clothes you put aside for a special occasion. Now I’m not saying you should do your Tesco shop in your tuxedo but equally having nice stuff that never sees light of day seems nothing short of a travesty!

Image of a couple walking in a wood in sunlight

Take your time (at least some of the time!)

It’s so easy to dash through life at a frenetic pace. How about you slow right down and notice the things that are going on around you?

Make a point of noticing little glimmers of hope. The little kindnesses you experience during your day. The compliments of strangers, the way the light shines through the bare branches of a tree, or the shadows you create as your walk along a footpath.

Take photos of things that catch your eye from funny signs to quirky drainpipes and beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

By taking your time you can often stumble across solutions to problems that you’ve been worrying about, or be able to set up systems that really work and that save you time in the long run!.

easy ways to upgrade your life image of watercolours and some art

Allow yourself some ‘golden time’

Do you remember being allowed free time to play at primary school? Well now is the time to reinstate that into your life. This could be allowing yourself time to enjoy your hobbies, doing some art, cooking a new recipe, or exploring a new part of town. It could be meeting a friend for a coffee, lunch or glass of wine. Or exploring a new art gallery or getting on a train and exploring a new city altogether. 

Often we forget to put our own needs on the list of things we need to tend to. This isn’t a selfish game of putting yourself first the whole time, but a gentle reminder that you and your needs matter too.

Also if you allow yourself a bit of golden time you will likely be in a better place to deal with anything else that life throws at you. So instead of seeing having time to yourself as being selfish see it as if you’re doing your family a favour! 

Top Tip: Create yourself a ‘fun things’ list – of things you can do and places you can visit, so that when the mood strikes you’re not having to start thinking what you can do you can simply pick something off the list and go!

 

Try doing the fun things first. There’s always temptation to wait until everything else gets done, when often everything else never quite gets finished! So do the fun stuff first! 

easy ways to upgrade your morning routine. image of a pot of coffee, a croissant and a cafetiere

Upgrade your morning routine

What can you do to make your morning routine more enjoyable? You could make a pot of tea or coffee, or add in a little treat. You could drink your morning tea on the patio on a nice day or eat breakfast outside in the morning sunshine.

Listen to a motivational podcast or some upbeat music whilst in the shower. Use a luxurious shower gel and wrap yourself into a fluffy towel. Slather yourself in a good quality body butter. Wear your best knickers (see above!) 

If you can, go for an early morning walk to get some fresh air in.

image of young lady wearing glasses with her thumb up on a pink love heart background

Say yes to more things

Do you sit there thinking ‘oh I really fancy that’ but then deny yourself whatever it is? Then please stop! Life is too short to deny yourself little treats. Life is not a spectator sport watching other people.

You deserve good things too. So go on treat yourself even if it’s just once a week or once every so often. 

image of tick boxes

Give yourself permission

As an adult you often don’t actually need to get permission form anyone else but yourself for the majority of stuff. You are the one writing the rules and who can give yourself permission to do things.

Need an early night? Permission granted. Need a massage? Book yourself in! Fancy a Chinese Takeaway? Get one! Often we loiter around waiting for someone else to give their nod of approval when what we actually need is simply to give ourselves permission, job done!

image of book shelf on white background

Give yourself the gift of reclaimed space!

I don’t know about you but everywhere I look at home is something that I don’t really need. On my bookshelves there are books that have moved house with me not once but twice and I still haven’t read them. 

There are dishes in my cupboard that I don’t use because they don’t have snap on lids, and shoes that hurt my feet.

If I got rid of everything that I don’t need I would have lots less visual clutter and also less stuff to dust, organise and fall over! 

image of a sourdough bread love sliced into thick slices

Buy better stuff, but less of it! 

When I was younger I used to have a box of white wine in the fridge. Don’t judge me, it was about 30 years ago and I didn’t know any better! Nowadays I’ve realised that I’m better off having a smaller quantity of wine but upping the quality of it.

I’ve done the same thing with buying bread. I used to get the supermarket long life slice loaves but now I’ve swapped to freshly baked bread from a bakery but less often so it feels like more of a treat.

I’ve also upgraded my coffee from instant to fresh coffee and haven’t looked back. I’m probably spending a similar amount to before, but it feels way better.

easy ways to upgrade your life stop compromising

Stop compromising the whole time!

If you live with other people who don’t share your tastes in food, activities or music don’t be afraid to have the things you enjoy from time to time.

I live in a household where no one else likes mushrooms and courgettes but I love both, so I’ve had to find ways of still eating them but without forcing them on the rest of the family. 

I’ve found ways of adapting what I make so I can have mushrooms and courgettes separately, for example.

I’ve also found ways of listening to the music I like, and watching the programmes I enjoy without it meaning others miss out on things they enjoy.

Image of teddy bear under duvet

Get enough sleep.

Having enough sleep can make all the difference to how you function in your day to day life, and can also help improve your mood and ability to focus. We all need a different amount of sleep and if you find it hard to regularly get a full 8 hours you may be one of the people who simply don’t need that amount of sleep.

Having a good evening routine can help you drift off to sleep especially if you find it hard to unwind. Doing the same things every evening can give your body cues that it is now time to wind down to sleep. Having a set bedtime and getting up time can also help as your body is a creature of habit!  

You may find it helpful to dim the lights after dinner, to do calming activities during the evening and to ensure that upstairs is slightly cooler than downstairs as we sleep better in a slightly cooler environment.

Further Reading:

You may like to read my article on How to get a good night’s sleep https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep/

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/12-little-things-that-changed-my-life/

 

If you struggle to sleep check out my articles on sleep 

 

Over to you!

What little ways have you found to upgrade your life? Please feel free to leave me a comment in the box below. If you have enjoyed this article please share it with your friends on social media. 

 

Christmas is over- now what?!

Christmas is over- now what?!

Christmas is over – now what?! 

Now we have Christmas done, dusted and out of the way for another year there is often a great temptation to start scurrying around trying to make elaborate plans for the new year. For chucking out everything you don’t need, and trying to embrace healthy eating diets and new rigorous exercise plans.

Now whilst I’m not saying that it’s a bad idea to start doing new things at this time of year, I would like to encourage you to take a deep breath, rest for a while and regather your strength first.

December is often a very busy month, with a stream of parties, social events, carol services, catch ups with friends and a frenzy of shopping. This can easily leave you frazzled in a heap if you’re not careful. So probably not the best time of year to start making big, big changes in your life.

Image of a ludo game with a yellow game board

Give yourself some headspace and time to deeply rest

Christmas can also be an emotional time for many people, and it can be really intense spending time with friends and relatives you may not be used to spending a lot of time with. You may have had to make compromises on how you spend your time or who you’ve gone to visit. Or maybe you would have liked to have spent time with someone you’ve not got to spend time with, and this also takes its toll. So just for a few days give yourself permission to take some time out to deeply recharge your own batteries. 

This could include going for walks on your own, stopping off for a hot chocolate to warm up afterwards. Or taking yourself to the beach or for a swim or just to have some time out in nature. Or maybe you’d prefer to curl up under a blanket or duvet on the sofa and just sink into the warmth and cosiness that that brings. Or you might like to have a long afternoon nap or put on a good movie in front of the fire.

Maybe make some homemade soup, bake some cakes, drink a few pots of tea, read a book or magazine. Or simply do nothing. Just for 20 mins or just for an hour! You don’t have to be constantly ‘doing something’ sometimes its ok to do absolutely nothing for a while.

Play a few board games with the family. Do some journaling. Do some art. Luxuriate in having time to do things slowly. Maybe pour yourself a mid-afternoon bath, or give yourself a facial. There are loads of low-energy things you could do as you allow yourself to recharge. 

Once you’ve managed to come up for air reflect back on what went well this year, what could have gone better and only then start making plans for what you’d like next year to look like! 

Related post

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-have-a-happy-and-healthy-new-year/ 

12 Little things that changed my life

12 Little things that changed my life

Here are 12 little things that changed my life. 

I used to believe that in order to change my life I would have to ‘do something’ fairly elaborate. But the more I thought about it the more I realised that I’d already made some significant changes to my life, not through elaborate gestures and giving up chocolate but by doing a fairly bijou series of little things to tweak my lifestyle, mindset and daily routine.

As ever I thought they may be useful to other people hence why I’m sharing them with you now.

If you find them useful please feel free to share this post with your friends

things that changed my life. image of a good breakfast

Having a good breakfast within an hour of waking up

Those of you who know me well know that I’m not a morning person and so breakfast is something that I’ve struggled with in the past.

I’ve spent way too many years skipping breakfast in favour of some form of caffeine replenishment therapy – a.k.a a pot of coffee and then nothing to eat until mid morning. (I know, I know!)

But then I read an article which said that having breakfast – and the right kind of breakfast- within the first hour or two after we wake up would set us up for the day and help rebalance our hormones.

So I gave it a go and found that eating something rich in protein within that first hour made all the difference. I found that I wasn’t needing a mid-morning biscuit break, my energy levels where higher and I was more able to focus. 

things that changed my life, image of woman on sofa thinking with a peachy background

Tuning in to what made my body / gut feel better

Going back to the idea of having breakfast (or not as the case may be!) I realised that the cereal and toast type ‘traditional’ breakfast had left me feeling either a bit light headed or downright hungry by 9.30 am (sometimes both!) whereas something a bit more substantial made me feel better.

The more I thought about this the more I realised that there were other patterns to things that I ate that either left me with a low mood, feeling sluggish or feeling way better, depending what they were.

So I started to make a point of really tuning in to what my body needed and what it wanted less of. I realised that bread based things don’t make me feel great unless they were the less processed kind.

Things like salmon and brazil nuts made me feel good as did chicken thighs and butter – but things like low fat margarine, low fat yoghurts, low calorie pop, and anything with artificial sweeteners just made me feel downright ill.

I found having a little supper stopped me from waking up in the wee small hours and for some reason having a bigger cup of tea made me sleep better than having the small one (presumably with concentrated caffeine!)

So it was all about just noticing what was working and what wasn’t and doing more of the things that made me feel good and avoiding anything that didn’t!

After I’d made a point of noticing what food and drinks made me feel good I started thinking about what my body needed.

It turned out it sometimes needed to rest and other times it needed exercise.

Other days it just needed a big heartfelt hug from a friend.

Having regular reflexology helped enormously to help keep my stress levels at a manageable level too. 

things that changed my life listen to your intuition. Image of woman on peachy background listening to her intuition

Started listening to my Intuition

There have been many times when I’ve instinctively known what to do but chosen to ignore that instinct to my peril – like the day that I had the thought to go find my breakdown cover card, have a wee and buy a hot chocolate at a petrol station.

Only to find that within 20 mins of having this thought I was broken down at the roadside, desperate for the loo and craving a hot chocolate. I know know that if I have a thought it is worth acting on that thought, even if at the time it doesn’t make any sense!

things that changed my life image of woman holding placard saying perfectly imperfect

Let go of the need for perfectionism. 

For many years I wanted to be perfect and this was so limiting as at the end of the day none of us are (thankfully!) I thought that in order to be loveable I would need to be good at everything, have all the answers and not have any personal flaws.

It was an impossible brief to keep to and one that left me with terribly low self-esteem for a long long time! In fact it delayed me starting my business for many years as I was so afraid that someone would ask me a question I didn’t know how to answer (I’ve since learned that most people are happy with my answer of ‘I will get back to you on that!’ if I’m not sure. I’ve also learned that the right people will love you because of your imperfections – just as I love other people exactly as they are! 

I’ve also realised that if I just approach life with a sense of ‘I wonder what would happen if..’ and a sense of playfulness life is a load more fun and way less daunting. So now I feel able to try new things without needing to be an expert immediately etc

things that changed my life speak kindly to yourself. image of pink parrot on peachy background

Learned to Speak kindly to myself and set myself a series of mini dares

I realised that I was constantly having a go at myself, telling myself off for the least little misdemeanour. It took a while and a lot of practice but I’ve since learned to speak kindly to myself (most of the time) and to see the lessons that I can learn from situations that haven’t quite gone according to plan rather than berating myself for not doing better.

My eldest daughter is constantly saying to me ‘you’re doing your best’ and so now my inner voice is more likely to tell me that I’m doing my best than that I’m an idiot for not doing better!

If you’re too scared to do something just dare yourself to do it with no set outcome. So if you want to ask someone for a coffee for instance just ask (that being the dare) – they may say yes or they may say no, that doesn’t matter, the bit that matters is that you dared to ask!

Read my article on Improving your self-esteem
https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem/ 

Things that changed my life do those things you've been avoiding image of toad on pink background

Tackled those things I’d been avoiding

Do you have a task that you’ve been putting off doing, a conversation that you’ve avoided having or maybe you really want to resign your job but haven’t quite got around to it yet?

If it’s causing you stress and hassle it can be useful to simply do that task or have that chat now so it’s done and you don’t have to think about it any more.

We can make it bigger in our heads than it actually is. Once it’s done we can get on with the rest of the day in peace.

Journal Prompt
Ask yourself  ‘what am I avoiding?’ 

things that changed my life surround yourself by the right people

Surrounded myself with the right people.

I used to spend a lot of time surrounded by people who I couldn’t be my authentic (if slightly bonkers) self with. Having to edit yourself to fit in with how someone else wants you to be is exhausting.

In the end I broke away and found people who are heading in the same direction as me, have shared values and interests and who are generally encouraging, loving and constructive. 

things that changed my life image of stormy sea with big waves

Changed expectations of how life was going to be

For years I expected life to be constantly smooth with no bumpy bits – once I changed my expectations my life got way better. I know that whilst there are bumpy times in life generally everything sorts itself out eventually and then calm is restored.

I also realised that I’m stronger than I gave myself credit for and that I too can do hard things! 

Things that changed my life cross that bridge when you come to it image of bridge

Crossed that bridge when I came to it!

My key piece of advice to all my children is to ‘cross that bridge when you come to it’ In other words only deal with actual situations that arise rather than conjuring up some worst case scenario along with dire consequences out of some imagined event.

Especially as about 90% of everything we worry about never actually happens!

If you have a journal flick back through the pages note what you were worrying about this time last year (or even this time last week) chances are it all resolved itself nicely or didn’t actually happen in the end!

thngs that changed my life work out how much time things take image of man with hoover on pink background

Worked out how much time things actually take!

For some unknown reason I always assumed that vacuuming the house was going to take hours (if not days!) to do! When in fact it takes about 20 minutes tops. Ditto mowing the lawn.

If you don’t know how long things are going to take you’ll not get around to doing them as you’re going to think it will take way longer than it will.

So if you work out the facts of the matter you can simply slot short activities like vacuuming the house or mowing the lawn into those small gaps rather than thinking you have to put 3-4 working days to one side to do a simple task!

Things that changed my life curated time with phone image of phone with christmas stuff

Set boundaries with my phone use

One of the key little things that made a difference to my life was setting strict boundaries for my phone.

I stopped taking it upstairs overnight so I couldn’t be stressing over a work email at 4 in the morning when I came back from the loo. I found that there are focus modes on my latest phone so if I want to concentrate I can pop it on one of the focus modes.

I also try not to have it out when out with friends (apart from to take a photo or three) 

I also put it on silent for much of the time – so I don’t have lots of notifications binging at me at all hours. Occasionally I go for a walk without it so that I can simply focus on what I’m experiencing rather than stopping every 3 ft to take a photo of something else!

Further Reading https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/confession-time-why-i-was-struggling-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep/ 

 

Things that changed my life set my alarm not to come on on the hour image of alarm clock on pink background

Stopped setting radio alarm to come on on the hour!

I hit on the idea that if I set my radio alarm to come on on the hour I wake up each day to the news. And as we all know they rarely speak of good news.

So if you want to start your day in a more positive way, set it so it doesn’t come on on the hour! 

 

 Over to you! What little things have changed your life?

Easy ways to improve your self-esteem

Easy ways to improve your self-esteem

What is self-esteem and how do you improve it?

Self-esteem is the views and opinions you have of yourself. You may hold yourself in high regard, knowing that you’ve got your strengths and challenges but essentially you like yourself.

Or maybe you have poor self-esteem and live life in a self-critical state constantly berating yourself for each little hiccup.

Maybe you flitter between the two, at times being able to praise yourself for your efforts and for how well something went whilst sometimes telling yourself off for not being braver, for not daring to try something or beating yourself up for something you’ve said or done (that perhaps you shouldn’t have said or done!)

If you have good self-esteem you’re more likely to be happy to try new things, and are more resilient when things don’t go well whilst being able to speak kindly to yourself about how well you’ve done just giving something a go.

Those people who have been raised in a positive environment where praise is profuse and easily earned are probably more likely to have good self-esteem, whereas if you’ve been raised in a family who nit-pick and where praise isn’t easy to come by, you may end up with poor self-esteem. But that can be improved! 

It’s useful to note that your own positive opinion of yourself is all that matters, you don’t have to wait for someone else to give you validation or tell you that you’re amazing and you don’t need to be perfect in order to add value to the world or to be loveable. You’re amazing just as you are. Honestly.  

Here are some easy ways to improve your self-esteem

how to improve your self esteem see yourself with kind eyes. Image of woman wearing rose tinted glasses on a blue background

See yourself through kind eyes and speak nicely to yourself

The quickest way to raise your self-esteem is to start seeing yourself through kind eyes.

If something goes wrong know that you have tried your best. Instead of beating yourself up by telling yourself you’re an absolute wally you are (or worse!) look for the lessons it’s taught you, think about what you’d do differently next time and tell yourself that you did your best. If you see ‘failure’ as a learning experience you will feel much better!

We don’t need to get everything right 100% of the time. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made. Let it go. It’s also important to challenge any negative beliefs. Sometimes we think things that just aren’t true or that may have been true at one point, but aren’t true now. Consider if someone else had done this, would you think less of them or would you smile and think nothing more of it? Treat yourself in the same way you’d treat others.

Use words of encouragement on yourself. Things like ‘you can do this’ or ‘let’s see what happens’ are powerful ways of boosting your self-esteem Top Tip: If you wouldn’t say what you’re thinking about yourself to a small child, don’t say it to yourself!

improve your self-esteem dare to give it a go image of woman jumping

Dare yourself to give it a go – be playful Be playful!

Dare yourself to try new things and let go of the need for a specific outcome.

See what happens. Allow it to play out. If you feel like you always need to get every job you apply for, pass every exam with distinction first time, be accepted onto every course or be accepted on a date by everyone you ask, you’ll find it too hard to do anything. So let go of a specific outcome and see what happens.

Usually you’ll find that the more you try new things with no specific outcome in mind, the better you feel about yourself and the more confident you get! If you take a more playful attitude it won’t matter if you get a no, don’t get the job, don’t go on the date etc.

The same principle applies to projects you might want to start, if you feel like you need to be absolutely 100% ready or it has to be the right time or perfect before you release it into the world, you’ll never do it. So just give it a go, see what happens and you can always adjust what you do when you’ve got more information! Be brave – I dare you!

improve your self esteem by celebrating everything image of woman looking happy on blue background

Recognise/ Celebrate what you CAN do.

Sometimes we brush off what we can do or what we have achieved. It can help to list all the things that you can do, that you’re good at and things that you’ve overcome. Praise yourself and celebrate every little achievement. If anyone compliments you on anything, make note of it and then when you’re having a bad day you can look at what other people have said and know that you’re just having a bad day rather than a bad life! Remember that you’ve got many talents and have plenty to offer the world, even if it doesn’t always feel that way!  

Read Blog post about What CAN you do

improve your self esteem don't compare yourself to others image of book saying don't compare yourself to others on blue background

Never compare yourself to others

We can sometimes look at other people and decide that they’re doing way better than we are. But it’s important to remember we only see the bits of people’s lives they want us to see.

We don’t see the sleepless nights, the worries about paying bills, the arguments, the mound of washing stacked up, the pile of pots on the work top.

Also we’re not climbing the same tree as anyone else.  Many years ago I was happily moaning about how my life wasn’t going as well as someone else’s and it was pointed out to me that we weren’t climbing the same tree. That their life may have had some easy to climb branches lower down where as my tree may be easier to climb further up and that really stuck with me.

If i was comparing my life to someone else’s I may find my life lacking but if i compare myself with how I was say 5 or 10 years ago then I’m doing really well. So pack it in!

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else’s illusion of a perfect life!  Top Tip: Know that other people struggle too! With practice you can get better at most things. Don’t feel that you have to ‘be a natural’ at anything in order to be good at it.

improving self esteem if it's not a heck yes it's a no image of man thinking on blue background

Set Boundaries  – If it’s not a heck yes it’s a no!

You can improve your self-esteem by setting boundaries and knowing your value. Prioritise things that make your heart sing and curate your time wisely. If you get asked to do something and your immediate response isn’t ‘heck yes’ then decline and do something else.

People will respect you more if you don’t always do everything you’re asked to do and the higher your self-esteem will be. 

If something makes you feel uncomfortable (and it’s something you can get out of, not say completing your tax return!) then feel free to decline.   

Further Reading: https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/what-is-self-love/

Over to you.

What do you to to improve your self-esteem? Please let me know in the comments below. If you have enjoyed this article please share with your friends.

Further Reading:

Read my article on Emotional Regulation https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/emotional-regulation/ 

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