It’s time to rip up the rule book, here’s why!

Have you ever caught yourself obeying rules that were set by someone else? I’m not meaning the law or the highway code, (yes you do have to follow those rules!) but rules that someone else has made up for you, be it your mum, your family, society in general? I  believe that it’s time to rip up the rule book of all those outdated, unwarranted and unnecessary rules so we can achieve freedom and start living the life we want to live! 

Rest when your body tells you to rest!

This thought process was sparked off in part by something that happened to me the other week. I was in bed feeling absolutely exhausted. It was a day when I didn’t have to be anywhere until lunchtime and my bones were feeling weary. At one point I’d had to check to see if somehow I’d got velcro velcroing me to the bed, I felt that tired!

My thought was that I needed to get up and get going, to do something productive. To be at my desk by 9 am tackling the pile of paperwork every self-employed person generates! Or to start wrestling with the washing pile or to do something… doing nothing seemed like a terrible waste of time somehow.

Then I thought of one of my friends who is very good at following her own biorhythms and who does honour herself when she needs to rest and I thought actually it’s ok to rest, there are no rules, you don’t HAVE to be up and at your desk, in full make up, showered and dressed at 9 am every day (I’m self-employed so my boss will indeed allow this. Those of you who are employed may not have this freedom, but certainly you can apply this principle during weekends and on days off)

In the end I had a 90 min nap and woke up feeling like a whole new woman so I must have needed some sleep that day!

Wear what you like!

The second incident that alerted me to this need to rip up the rule book was in a charity shop last week. I was mooching around the clothing section when I overheard a lady glumly announce that she couldn’t possibly wear the gorgeous green cargo pants that she had in her hands because she was 80! I couldn’t help it, I went marching over to her and told her that she absolutely could buy and wear the cargo pants because there are no rules stating that you can’t wear cargo pants once you’re 80!

Plus from my experience of wearing my llama drama dungarees, no one actually cares about what you’re wearing. I had felt a bit scared to wear my dungarees out in case someone had a negative opinion of them! I was a bit put out when no one batted a blooming eyelid!

All these years I’ve been playing it safe, wearing mumsy outfits so no one would think I’m bonkers (well, ok, those who know me may argue with that diagnosis but hey you know what I mean!) So my advice is that you wear what you want, (as long as it’s decent!) and if you need to rest a while and take time to recharge your own batteries, then absolutely do that! 

If you’d like to get a glimpse of my llama dungarees click here

Start new projects whenever makes sense for you!

Another stupid rule that I’ve subconsciously taken on board as my own include that you shouldn’t start a new project on a Friday ‘because it won’t get finished’ This was one of my mums big things, but it turns out that Friday is a day when I seem to be more energised and bushy tailed that other days of the week so for me starting something on a Friday would work. And frankly if I start something it’s way more likely to get finished than if I don’t start it.

Do the fun stuff first!

My mum was also a big advocate of not doing anything fun until all your jobs have been done. Whilst I confess this morning I have run around attempting to get the house tidy before starting writing this, I do think doing all your jobs first and then having fun can be a bit like expecting your mobile phone to work before you’ve charged it up fully! So my thought is rip up that rule too and try doing something you love first before you start on the chores!

I find if I do my art, or writing or something creative – even spending a bit of time outdoors, I can get so much more done because I’m in the flow, my happy hormones are there.

I also find creative solutions to doing work and housework tasks if I’ve been creative before I start! I’m left feeling like my personal battery is on 100%.

So I’d highly recommend creating a new rule which gives you permission to do things in the way that makes sense for you. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else (Mother!) 

Do the job that you love, not the job you’ve been told to have!

Many years ago my friends and I were sitting around the table in Sainsburys coffee shop (we know how to live life to the full!) and each of us had a story that essentially went ‘I wanted to be a ________ but my parents said I had to do ____________ so I trained to do _________ but I wasn’t happy so in the end I decided to do______ instead.’

It was interesting how we all had a version of this. I think often we can get so het up on what society wants to us to have (a big job, a big car, a big house, flashy holidays, responsibility and a big pension) and that’s absolutely fine if that’s what you want!

But so often what we want is to have a quiet life, with key people surrounding us and time to pursue our own interests and day trips to the beach. I know I aspire to that.

So if you’re not currently doing a job that sets your soul on fire, think about what you would like to do and see if you can do more of that, or if you can volunteer to do something more in alignment with the things you’d like to do.

Be a trailblazer as life is too short to be spending 40+ hours a week doing something that makes you grind your teeth at night.

Holidays don’t have to be for a long time, be a long way away or terribly expensive! 

Last year I didn’t take any time off at all, and got to the point by December I had crumbled into a big heap. This year I have decided to make a point of taking holiday days. I’ve realised that I always thought holidays need to be expensive, exotic, for a fortnight (at least!) and involve a lot of hassle.

I’ve realised this is another rule that needs to be ripped from the rule book! It is perfectly possible to feel like you’ve had a mini holiday by doing something as simple as going to the beach, spending a few two pence pieces in the arcade, having a bag of freshly made doughnuts and taking a photo of seagulls that stay still long enough!

Using apps like Skyscanner and Google Flights you can book holidays fairly cheaply it turns out! If you do some research on the internet you may find that there are ways of getting into major cities from airports without expensive taxi rides so it doesn’t need to be as expensive as you might think!

Other things you could do include visit local hotels that have a spa for a spa day, or simply take yourself out for lunch and visit a local museum or two! 

Further Reading:

Here’s a blog post I wrote years and years ago about my mini one day holiday in Harrogate https://sparkle442.blogspot.com/2014/02/what-treasures-are-on-your-doorstep.html 

Read my blog post on creating the life you want. 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

Here are 12 little things that changed my life. 

I used to believe that in order to change my life I would have to ‘do something’ fairly elaborate. But the more I thought about it the more I realised that I’d already made some significant changes to my life, not through elaborate gestures and giving up chocolate but by doing a fairly bijou series of little things to tweak my lifestyle, mindset and daily routine.

As ever I thought they may be useful to other people hence why I’m sharing them with you now.

If you find them useful please feel free to share this post with your friends

Having a good breakfast within an hour of waking up

Those of you who know me well know that I’m not a morning person and so breakfast is something that I’ve struggled with in the past.

I’ve spent way too many years skipping breakfast in favour of some form of caffeine replenishment therapy – a.k.a a pot of coffee and then nothing to eat until mid morning. (I know, I know!)

But then I read an article which said that having breakfast – and the right kind of breakfast- within the first hour or two after we wake up would set us up for the day and help rebalance our hormones.

So I gave it a go and found that eating something rich in protein within that first hour made all the difference. I found that I wasn’t needing a mid-morning biscuit break, my energy levels where higher and I was more able to focus. 

Tuning in to what made my body / gut feel better

Going back to the idea of having breakfast (or not as the case may be!) I realised that the cereal and toast type ‘traditional’ breakfast had left me feeling either a bit light headed or downright hungry by 9.30 am (sometimes both!) whereas something a bit more substantial made me feel better.

The more I thought about this the more I realised that there were other patterns to things that I ate that either left me with a low mood, feeling sluggish or feeling way better, depending what they were.

So I started to make a point of really tuning in to what my body needed and what it wanted less of. I realised that bread based things don’t make me feel great unless they were the less processed kind.

Things like salmon and brazil nuts made me feel good as did chicken thighs and butter – but things like low fat margarine, low fat yoghurts, low calorie pop, and anything with artificial sweeteners just made me feel downright ill.

I found having a little supper stopped me from waking up in the wee small hours and for some reason having a bigger cup of tea made me sleep better than having the small one (presumably with concentrated caffeine!)

So it was all about just noticing what was working and what wasn’t and doing more of the things that made me feel good and avoiding anything that didn’t!

After I’d made a point of noticing what food and drinks made me feel good I started thinking about what my body needed.

It turned out it sometimes needed to rest and other times it needed exercise.

Other days it just needed a big heartfelt hug from a friend.

Having regular reflexology helped enormously to help keep my stress levels at a manageable level too. 

Started listening to my Intuition

There have been many times when I’ve instinctively known what to do but chosen to ignore that instinct to my peril – like the day that I had the thought to go find my breakdown cover card, have a wee and buy a hot chocolate at a petrol station.

Only to find that within 20 mins of having this thought I was broken down at the roadside, desperate for the loo and craving a hot chocolate. I know know that if I have a thought it is worth acting on that thought, even if at the time it doesn’t make any sense!

Let go of the need for perfectionism. 

For many years I wanted to be perfect and this was so limiting as at the end of the day none of us are (thankfully!) I thought that in order to be loveable I would need to be good at everything, have all the answers and not have any personal flaws.

It was an impossible brief to keep to and one that left me with terribly low self-esteem for a long long time! In fact it delayed me starting my business for many years as I was so afraid that someone would ask me a question I didn’t know how to answer (I’ve since learned that most people are happy with my answer of ‘I will get back to you on that!’ if I’m not sure. I’ve also learned that the right people will love you because of your imperfections – just as I love other people exactly as they are! 

I’ve also realised that if I just approach life with a sense of ‘I wonder what would happen if..’ and a sense of playfulness life is a load more fun and way less daunting. So now I feel able to try new things without needing to be an expert immediately etc

Learned to Speak kindly to myself and set myself a series of mini dares

I realised that I was constantly having a go at myself, telling myself off for the least little misdemeanour. It took a while and a lot of practice but I’ve since learned to speak kindly to myself (most of the time) and to see the lessons that I can learn from situations that haven’t quite gone according to plan rather than berating myself for not doing better.

My eldest daughter is constantly saying to me ‘you’re doing your best’ and so now my inner voice is more likely to tell me that I’m doing my best than that I’m an idiot for not doing better!

If you’re too scared to do something just dare yourself to do it with no set outcome. So if you want to ask someone for a coffee for instance just ask (that being the dare) – they may say yes or they may say no, that doesn’t matter, the bit that matters is that you dared to ask!

Read my article on Improving your self-esteem
https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem/ 

Tackled those things I’d been avoiding

Do you have a task that you’ve been putting off doing, a conversation that you’ve avoided having or maybe you really want to resign your job but haven’t quite got around to it yet?

If it’s causing you stress and hassle it can be useful to simply do that task or have that chat now so it’s done and you don’t have to think about it any more.

We can make it bigger in our heads than it actually is. Once it’s done we can get on with the rest of the day in peace.

Journal Prompt
Ask yourself  ‘what am I avoiding?’ 

Surrounded myself with the right people.

I used to spend a lot of time surrounded by people who I couldn’t be my authentic (if slightly bonkers) self with. Having to edit yourself to fit in with how someone else wants you to be is exhausting.

In the end I broke away and found people who are heading in the same direction as me, have shared values and interests and who are generally encouraging, loving and constructive. 

Changed expectations of how life was going to be

For years I expected life to be constantly smooth with no bumpy bits – once I changed my expectations my life got way better. I know that whilst there are bumpy times in life generally everything sorts itself out eventually and then calm is restored.

I also realised that I’m stronger than I gave myself credit for and that I too can do hard things! 

Crossed that bridge when I came to it!

My key piece of advice to all my children is to ‘cross that bridge when you come to it’ In other words only deal with actual situations that arise rather than conjuring up some worst case scenario along with dire consequences out of some imagined event.

Especially as about 90% of everything we worry about never actually happens!

If you have a journal flick back through the pages note what you were worrying about this time last year (or even this time last week) chances are it all resolved itself nicely or didn’t actually happen in the end!

Worked out how much time things actually take!

For some unknown reason I always assumed that vacuuming the house was going to take hours (if not days!) to do! When in fact it takes about 20 minutes tops. Ditto mowing the lawn.

If you don’t know how long things are going to take you’ll not get around to doing them as you’re going to think it will take way longer than it will.

So if you work out the facts of the matter you can simply slot short activities like vacuuming the house or mowing the lawn into those small gaps rather than thinking you have to put 3-4 working days to one side to do a simple task!

Set boundaries with my phone use

One of the key little things that made a difference to my life was setting strict boundaries for my phone.

I stopped taking it upstairs overnight so I couldn’t be stressing over a work email at 4 in the morning when I came back from the loo. I found that there are focus modes on my latest phone so if I want to concentrate I can pop it on one of the focus modes.

I also try not to have it out when out with friends (apart from to take a photo or three) 

I also put it on silent for much of the time – so I don’t have lots of notifications binging at me at all hours. Occasionally I go for a walk without it so that I can simply focus on what I’m experiencing rather than stopping every 3 ft to take a photo of something else!

Further Reading https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/confession-time-why-i-was-struggling-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep/ 

Stopped setting radio alarm to come on on the hour!

I hit on the idea that if I set my radio alarm to come on on the hour I wake up each day to the news. And as we all know they rarely speak of good news.

So if you want to start your day in a more positive way, set it so it doesn’t come on on the hour! 

 Over to you! What little things have changed your life?