7 Useful things I’ve learned this year

Here are 7  useful things I’ve learned this year so far that I’d like to share with you. Please let me know in the comments below what YOU’VE learned so far this year!

We set our own limits

Have you ever thought of doing something but talked yourself out of it? Or labelled yourself as not a writer, not an artist, not a musician, not good with this or that, and then behaved as if that was actually true?

I know that I have a lot over my life. But this kind of thinking holds us back and limits what we can achieve. You don’t NEED to be an artist to pick up a paintbrush and play at making marks on the page. You don’t need to be a musician to pick up an instrument and bash out a tune on it. You don’t need to be a Michelin-starred chef in order to choose a new recipe and have a go. 

We can also inadvertently create limits on what we achieve and what we reach out for simply by believing that what we crave or need isn’t possible. Some of the things we want or need may not be practical or easy to get. But other people have achieved the things we want to achieve.. 

I would love to write a book, but often think it would be impossible, then I go for a mooch around Waterstones and see that the whole shop is full of books by people who proved to themselves that it IS possible. So I am absolutely wrong, it is possible for me to write a book and have it sat on the table in Waterstones, although it may not be as easy as my childhood fantasy of writing a book in one sitting, pressing print and getting a zillion pounds put in my bank account as if by magic. 

It’s ok not to fit in ‘the box’

For years I have been beating myself up metaphorically for not fitting into the same kind of box as other people do. For me, working 9-5 Monday – Friday is an absolute no-no.

That doesn’t mean I won’t work, as often I am still at work at 9.30 or 10 o’clock at night, but do I want to work 40 solid hours in an office? No, no I don’t! Other aspects of my life don’t fit in the box either. And that’s ok.

I’ve realised that I don’t need to fit myself into the same kind of box that fits other people, I just need to find a Sarah-shaped box and be happy that I’m not like everyone else. I like nothing more than working odd hours so I can slope off to lunch with a friend midweek. 

You hold the permission slip

Sometimes you need to allow yourself to book in for that reflexology treatment, that manicure you’ve been putting off, that holiday of your dreams, that midweek cinema trip all on your own (have you tried it? It’s magical!)

Sometimes you need to give yourself a morning off. The other week, my car was in the garage having its MOT, and so I was stuck at home all day.

Instead of running around catching up with all the boring jobs I had on my list. I gifted myself a whole morning of ‘play time’ (you know how primary schools used to let you play in the afternoons if you’d been good? Yes that!)  It was blissful! I did some writing, caught up with my journaling, made a big pot of soup slowly, made some flapjack and drank several pots of tea. Read some of my book, had a nap. By the time I got my car back I was a whole new person! 

You set your own price tag.

How people see you, how they treat you, and how respectful they are of you is more often than not in the first instance set out by you.

If you dress well, look smart and have that air of approachability mixed with a little don’t mess with me, mate you’re likely to get treated with more respect and care than you would if you look thrown together and if you allow yourself to be spoken to in a disrespectful way.

It can be hard to set boundaries if you’ve not had much experience of setting them, but it can massively help with how other people perceive you and at the end of the day how they treat you too.

Having boundaries is important as it keeps you safe, and also sends out a clear message to the other person that you will not be treated with disrespect and that you absolutely are worth treating with kindness and respect. How much money you make can also be dictated by this. 

The power of saying no

For years I have struggled to say no, even when my heart has been screaming no no absolutely not! But recently I have learnt that no is a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain why you can’t help someone with something.

In fact offering an excuse can cause problems. Many years ago my daughters got invited to go somewhere. They didn’t want to go, but instead of saying ‘no, that’s not for me’ they gave a raft of excuses.

Every excuse was met with a solution to the problem. NO is so powerful. Use it as a complete sentence and move on.

My top tip is if someone asks you if you’re free on Friday, before you answer, ask why? This way, you’ll know if they’re offering a spa day or an opportunity for you to help them clear out their spider-filled garden shed or babysit their children! 

Changing the word ‘should ’ to ‘could’ makes a massive difference.

Are you like me in that you hate the word should? Should sounds so bossy and forceful, whereas the word could opens up a world of opportunities and gentle invitations.

If you say I should go for a walk, it sounds like a chore, something else you have to do, whereas saying I could go for a walk sounds like a treat. Try it and see how it changes your world.

Taking time to rest and reflect is so important. Toxic productivity is not

Do you allow yourself time to rest and reflect on how your day has gone, how your weeks are going or how well you’re doing?

Sometimes we can be so busy being busy that we don’t give ourselves time to rest up, and take time to reflect on what is working well and what needs a tweak. If we keep scurrying from one project to another without taking time to sit for a while, and contemplate what went well and what could have been done better we can often tie ourselves up making the same mistake over and over again. 

I often get asked if I’ve been busy as if being busy is the ultimate goal. Take it from me that it absolutely isn’t and this need for constant productivity if left untamed can become toxic. I know the other week I was panicking because for the whole Sunday afternoon I did literally nothing. It was a cold wet sunday, and I was tired so I rested up and felt so much better for it. But sometimes you need to allow yourself time to rest up so you can gather strength to make new plans. 

Enjoyed Reading this? Check out my other articles

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/7-ways-fear-gets-in-the-way/

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