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How to be more goddess-like

How to be more goddess-like

Health & Wellbeing

By goddess-like, I mean how to look good and feel great, to have firm boundaries in place so  you won’t put up with anyone’s nonsense, whilst still being soft and warm and feminine.

It’s about having main character energy and owning the room as you enter it. About standing up and being all that you can possibly be, without feeling like you’re too much.. Of being valued and loved for who you are, not moulding yourself into how society thinks you should be.

About accepting help when you need it, and inviting love into your life, so you feel loved and appreciated. It’s about setting your own price tag and your standards high. It’s also about not people pleasing any more and doing what suits you on your own terms. 

Image of woman holding the word no to illustrate how to be more goddess like

Set boundaries

Set boundaries with your time, your money, your energy, your work and your social media.

With your time, adopt the policy that if you’re asked to do something / go somewhere and your instant reaction isn’t a ‘hell yeah’ It’s a no. Have a few stock answers as to why you can’t do things. Keep them vague – I already have plans that day, I’m tied up, I’m sorry I can’t make it. 

With your money, make sure that you know where it is going each month by keeping check of it. Before buying anything think do I really need this or would I rather have the £x in my bank account? If you find yourself people pleasing with money, like paying way more for a meal because friends want to split the bill and you’ve not had anywhere near the spend that they have had, just pay for your own stuff and don’t feel guilty! 

With your energy make sure you have enough white space in your diary to simply breathe, potter or just be for a while. Work with your menstrual cycles if you’re still menstruating, and with the moon cycles if you’re not.  

At work, know when you need to go home, take leave or have a break. Don’t feel you have to stay on late just because your office has a culture of working extra hours each day. You can be a good employee and still get home on time. If someone tries dumping extra work on you and you really don’t have time to deal with it, set a boundary and let them know that you can’t help them. Lessen the blow by suggesting someone who may be able to help you.

Set boundaries on how much you’re using social media. You don’t have to be constantly available for everyone. It will probably do everyone good for you to be absent for a while. So use social media for your own purposes and take regular breaks from it. 

Keep some of your information a secret, you don’t need to tell everyone everything. Have an air of mystery about you, and share private stuff only with your closest friends and family.

image of a woman with her hand up showing that she is assertive to illustrate how to be a goddess

Be assertive

Know what behaviour you will and won’t accept. Don’t put up with people’s nonsense. By all means find out what is going on for them and see if there is anything you can do to help them but don’t put up with poor behaviour from other people.

If they say they’re going to do something then don’t without notifying you well in advance as to why, then say something. You don’t have to be rude or offensive, you can be firm but kind with your words and get your point across. 

image of a coffee

Make little upgrades to your daily life and routine

Have a pot of tea rather than a cup, drink proper coffee not instant. Have 200 count bedsheets, choose plush fabrics that feel amazing to touch. Drink organic cocoa before bed.

Choose the best quality food you can afford and do as little to it as possible.

Eat your food off a proper plate, sitting at the table. No more running around the house to eat or eating at your desk.

Polish your shoes, wear your best knickers.

Clean your car, and have a nice fragrance spray for your car instead of a tacky, stinky plastic car air freshener. 

image of woman holding a lipgloss to illustrate being a goddess

Look expensive and put together

Go through your wardrobe and pick out anything that doesn’t look good, feel great. Donate, sell or ditch anything that doesn’t make you feel like a goddess. 

Keep pieces that make you look amazing and that feel good to wear. Get rid of anything that doesn’t go with anything else or is a bit tatty now. Vinted.co.uk or ebay.co.uk are good places to sell unwanted good quality clothes. If you want to donate clothing and shoes you can go to anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk and arrange a collection time, they come to your house and collect. When buying new clothes choose pieces that go together well and keep them immaculately pressed.

Wear a slash of lippy to complete your look

image of a bottle of perfume on a bed of rose petals to illustrate being a goddess

Smell like a goddess!

Have a signature scent and use it every day. Fragrance tends to go off if you don’t use it so get a decent bottle of perfume or eau de toilette and use it regularly.

Before purchasing, ensure that it smells good on your skin, as the fragrance can change from person to person and what can smell amazing on one person can smell awful on another.

image of a makeup bag to illustrate being a goddess

Keep a goddess kit in your car or desk

Have a bag containing a tub of toothpaste, a travel toothbrush, some soap, deodorant, and a fresh pair of knickers in your car and or desk, so if you do need to quickly freshen up you can.

Having some hand soap and a flannel to dry your hands on is also a great idea.

image of a woman looking at price tags on hats to illustrate being a goddess

Set your own price tag

Remember that you set your own price tag. Walk into rooms with your head held high, your back straight, a big smile on your face and let people feel your presence. People tend to radiate towards others who have a presence and who command respect. Be that person. If you’re not used to this right now, it can take a bit of getting used to but keep going, you’ve got this! 

Like this? 

Other blog posts you might like https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/10-ways-to-make-yourself-feel-fantastic/ 

7 Fabulous things to do this Autumn (even if you’re on your own)

7 Fabulous things to do this Autumn (even if you’re on your own)

Thoughts

Let’s make this autumn your best one yet! 

As the nights start drawing in, you may feel the urge to hibernate!  It is the perfect season to retreat into the warmth of your own home, hunker down, and shut the door on the world.

I’m going to talk more about things you can do to make the most of the next few months, balancing the need to be cocooned in a cosy world of your own, whilst also finding ways to have some fun and adventures for a little balance.

Most of the things I’m going to suggest you can do either with your friends, family or loved ones or on your own.

If you’re not used to doing things on your own, it can be a challenge at first. But it does get easier. Take a notebook and pen, or a good book or magazine to read, as this can help you feel less awkward if you are having lunch or dinner on your own.

autumn leaf big leaf with rusty colours and a leafy background

Make an autumn bucket list and get some fun stuff booked in the diary

Where would you like to go this autumn? Make a list and see how many you can tick off before winter sets in! 

You could go pumpkin picking, visit an art gallery, a museum, an abbey or castle, a ghost walk, a stately home or garden, or pack an autumn picnic and watch the sunrise or set. Or go to the seaside for a bracing walk and a bag of chips!

Check out listings for pantomimes, concerts and plays. Buy your tickets and put the dates in your diary. Get your massages and reflexology treatments booked in, so you have something to look forward to.

Pack cosy blankets, a flask containing a hot drink, and some snacks and go sit somewhere without light pollution, and drink coffee or hot chocolate under the stars. Or get a food flask and take some hot soup (don’t forget to preheat the flask with boiling water and tip out before adding your soup) If it’s a nice night, take camping chairs and sit outside.

Or gather some friends around and have jacket potatoes and homemade tomato and red pepper soup, build a fire pit and toast some marshmallows, whilst telling stories around the fire. 

Try going to the cinema one weekday afternoon, on your own or with a friend and watch the first film showing! These days you can take wine or coffee into the cinema with you. Some places will even bring you pizza or snacks to your seat.

Or on a cold, wet day, why not make some homemade popcorn, put on a movie and curl up under a blanket in front of the fire if you have one! 

image of a rusty coloured blanket and lady reading a book to depict autumn

Create a cosy nook

Do you have a dedicated space to get cosy when the rain is blashing down the windowpane? If not, maybe now is the time to create one.

Gather up some comfy cushions, some snuggly warm blankets, a candle or warm lamp, and some fluffy socks if you’re into that kind of thing. You could include a heated throw, a hot water bottle or a heat pad. Ensure the lighting is bright enough to read by but not glaringly bright.

Get some fairy lights and string them up to make the space seem even more magical. Or if writing or art are more your thing, create yourself a cosy writing or creation station, have all your favourite pens, pencils and notebooks to hand so you can simply create when the mood strikes

If you love hot chocolate you could make yourself a hot chocolate station with mugs, hot chocolate powder, marshmallows and sprinkles, and a nice tin of biscuits.

Fancy having a crafty Christmas? 

Start creating a box of Christmas gifts for your loved ones. You could craft things out of air-dry clay. All you need for this is some air-dry clay, some simple tools, some acrylic paints to decorate your item once they’ve dried and an air dry clay sealant. 

If you like art, why not make some bookmarks, or paint pictures for your loved ones? You could get a simple frame and mount to complete the look. You can buy cellophane and ribbon to elevate the look of even the simplest of gifts.

Or go to FreePrints https://www.freeprintsapp.co.uk/ and print out your favourite photo of your loved one, frame it, and give it to them. 

image of some autumn coloured wool on knitting needles on a pink background

Take up cosy hobbies

If you love watching TV but don’t want to just sit there for hours on end, you could take up a cosy hobby like crocheting, knitting, or pom pom making.

Or if you prefer, you could make yourself a pot of tea (so you don’t have to keep jumping up to put the kettle on!) and put on a podcast and do a jigsaw puzzle. All of these things can help your brain untangle after a busy day. There is a raft of fabulous tutorials on Youtube and TikTok if you get stuck.

image of playing with an autumn leaf

Play! 

Take some autumnal photos using your phone camera. You can get different effects if you play with the portrait setting on your phone, including using the phone’s timer setting, and holding it upside down!

Try taking photos of leaves using portrait mode, or take photos of yourself hidden behind a leaf.  Experiment with catching the light behind trees, and over wall tops.

image of some homemade tomato and red pepper soup in a black bowl to depict autumn

Make homemade biscuits and/or homemade soup

Two of my favourite biscuits are ginger biscuits, and melting moments. Ginger biscuits are very easy to make.  https://www.mamacoopskitchen.co.uk/ginger-biscuits/

Soups are wonderful things to make at this time of year. Not only are they a great way to get a good range of nutrients fairly quickly, they’re wonderfully soothing to make.

The chopping of the vegetables into even-sized chunks, the gentle stirring of the vegetables as they start to sweat down in the pan, the blending of the soup once it’s cooked and serving it in warm bowls, with big chunks of cheese on toast, or crunchy croutons just makes it even better. Check out my range of soup recipes here. https://www.mamacoopskitchen.co.uk/recipe-ideas/soups/ 

Let there be light this Autumn 

Don’t come back to a dark house, get your table lamps rigged up to come on around the time you’d be leaving work, so when you arrive home the house is lit up.

You can do this by getting smart plugs for your Alexa, or traditional style timer plugs, or by using smart bulbs.

If you find reaching out of bed on a morning to put the light on is too much of a challenge, try having a table lamp at the other side of your room, set to come on when you want to wake up. 

 

Further Reading:

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/autumn-self-care-tips/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/seasonal-affective-disorder/ 

From Overwhelm to Clarity: 7 Simple Strategies to Calm the Chaos

From Overwhelm to Clarity: 7 Simple Strategies to Calm the Chaos

Mind Body Spirit

7 Simple ways to calm the chaos

Has your life got a bit crazy and chaotic recently?  Do you sometimes find that you do things in a bit of a rush because there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, or enough days in the week?! You’re not alone. Sometimes we can get so busy that we end up living in a chaotic state.

Here are my top tips on how to calm the chaos.

image of healthy food meal prepped to illustrate the point of calm to chaos

How do you calm the chaos?

The most important thing you can do is figure out what is causing the problem. Is there a simple step you could take to calm the chaos?

If it’s caused by being busy at meal times and you find yourself constantly eating on the hoof, consider spending a little time prepping some soup or a pasta salad that will last a couple of days, that you can simply dig into when you’re hungry.

Or get a slow cooker and start putting dinner into that first thing in the morning so you can simply dig out your portion when you get home without having to start faffing on making dinner when you’re tired. 

If you find the chaos is caused by not having the right food in when you need to cook it, try ordering your groceries online, or sign up for a fruit and veg box service, and/ or create a meal plan in advance. 

Top Tip:

If you find you run out of key grocery items like dishwasher tablets, tea bags, toilet rolls, etc, try hiding a few in a different cupboard so you ‘run out’ when you’ve actually got a few left.

image of a hand holding a white traditional style alarm clock to illustrate the point of power hour to calm the chaos

Have a power hour

Set a timer for an hour and see how much you can get done. If you find that you’re well into the swing of what you’re doing after the power hour you can of course keep going until the jobs are done or until you’ve had enough, depending on what happens first! 

It can help if you put on some upbeat music (there are some fabulous housework playlists on Spotify) or put on a podcast and get cracking. I’ve added my latest upbeat playlist below! 


It can be helpful to gather up items that are in the wrong place and take them back to where they should be. When I’m tidying my study, the first thing I normally do is to remove any items that belong to anyone else in the family.

You can gather lost items into a laundry basket or cardboard box and then return them to their rightful place in one go! 

image of three boxes to help decluttering to calm the chaos

Have a charity donation box, (and a Vinted account!)

If you have too many clothes, or find that your family has outgrown some of their clothes, try having a charity donations bag or box either in your wardrobe or somewhere more communal like the hall or landing. This way you can simply pop items in as you come across them and then take them to the charity shop when you have a few items gathered up. There are charity collection bins in many supermarket car parks and by local fire stations. 

Or try selling items on Vinted. It’s a free selling site, where you simply upload some good clear photos and an accurate description of your item, set a price and off you go. Download the app or go to www.vinted.co.uk 

Calm the chaos box up anything you dont use

Ditch the clutter

Do you find that you’re ruffling through loads of items that you don’t use to get to the one thing you do want to use? If so you may be drowning in clutter. A good way to stop this is to carefully consider what items you use regularly and put them to one side.

Put all the other things in a box out of the way. Write the date on the box and if after about 90 days you’ve not needed the items in the box you’re probably safe to donate them to charity.

Obviously keep the seasonal stuff separate, there’s no need to donate the Christmas stuff just because you don’t use it in July, August and September! If you find you need an item from the box that’s fine. 

calm the chaos do a load of laundry each day image of a lady hanging out white items on a washing line

Do one (or two) loads of laundry every day

If you have a busy household and your laundry basket seems to have a lot in common with the magic porridge pot, try doing a load of washing every day.

Declutter anything that looks raggy or tatty before it goes in the washing machine. Raggy knickers? Bin them! Holey socks? Ditto. Life is too short to wear raggy pants.

calm the chaos, image of hands typing on a laptop

Do similar tasks together

If you have a lot of the same type of task to do, do them all in one go. It can be very distracting if you answer emails as they come in.

Try dealing with emails as a batch, or diarise some time to answer those telephone calls, for example.

Make note of any 2 minute tasks and do those when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil.

image of a tidy sitting room to illustrate calm the chaos

Do a quick daily reset

At the end of the day, throw any children’s toys into a lidded basket, tidy up the sitting room so it looks nice, have a quick wipe around the kitchen, and squirt a little bleach down the loos.

This way it won’t LOOK like chaos when you come down the next day.

image of a beach and some chips and a seagull to illustrate calm the chaos

Take a break from the chaos.

Sometimes when life is very chaotic, it can completely get you down and feel overwhelming and impossible to see a way out of.

Taking yourself completely away from the chaos can be really helpful. You don’t have to go far or for a long period of time.

A quick trip to the coast and a bag of chips is often enough.

 

Other Blog posts that you may like

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/lifestyle-audit/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-upgrade-your-life/ 

7 Great ways to embrace the energy of summer

7 Great ways to embrace the energy of summer

Thoughts

Summer lends itself to lazy days at home or at the beach, exciting adventures, holidays at home and abroad and a little spontaneity. It’s also perfect for a little al fresco dining, or just simply sitting in your garden for a while once the sun has gone down.

There can be a sense of timelessness during those heady summer days when you can stop watching the clock for a while and simply go with the flow.

It can also be the perfect time for long, solitary walks, time for quiet reflection and much-needed downtime from the hustle and bustle of daily life

Summer energy breakfast, Image of a cup of coffee and a croissant

Set a loose structure for those hot summer days

In order to keep some sense of order during the summer months it can be helpful to impose a loose structure to your days. Having meals at similar times and getting up and going to bed at similar times each day can help.

Your body is a creature of habit and loves to know what is likely to come next. It also means you’re less likely to end up feeling hungry, tired or cranky which has to be a good thing, right?! 

Summer energy make a list. Image of woman in a white dress with a note book and dandelions making a bucket list

Make a summer bucket list! 

If you’re up for an adventure this summer, make a list of where you’d like to go and then research their opening times and check if you need to book in advance or whether you can simply rock up on the day.

You could include day trips, holidays, people you’d like to see, places you’d like to go, concerts you’d like to attend, or even that restaurant you keep meaning to try. 

Top Tip:

 

If you’re a member of the National Trust, English Heritage, Historic Houses Association or RHS (and similar national schemes) it can be worth flicking through their handbooks/ websites to see if you can get into any of their partner properties for free or a reduced fee. 

Summer energy keep your swimming kit in your car. Image of woman by a swimming pool wiping her face with a light coloured towel

Be Prepared! 

If you love swimming, try keeping your clean swimming kit in your car boot. Or if you like walking keep your walking boots or a spare pair of trainers in your car. If you like trips to the beach, keep a towel in your car so you can go paddling if you fancy that. An old carrier bag to put soggy swimming stuff is also handy.

You could also get some pretty fairy lights or outside lighting for your patio and keep a basket with blankets etc near the back door so if you fancy sitting outside later in the day you can be cosy and warm without a lot of extra effort! 

Image of a group of friends making smores around a campfire whilst someone plays a guitar. Summer vibes

Be spontaneous.

Invite friends around for a spur of the moment bbq.  Make s’mores on a campfire or fire pit. Make detours to a museum, beach, quaint cafe for afternoon tea, or exhibition if you have time.

Get a blanket and put it on the grass and watch the Perseid shower ( a shooting star display which normally happens around the 12-13th August each year) 

Summer energy image of friends sat around a table dining al fresco with tapas and a bottle of red wine

Be a tourist in your own town or city!

You don’t need to go far to have a fabulous time. You could do the tourist attractions surrounding your home, or take yourself out to a Spanish restaurant for some tapas, or a Turkish restaurant for some meze, for example.

Check out your local castle, cathedral, museum, parks, stately home etc. Hotels often have leaflets of what is going on in the local area if you need some inspiration.

Read my blog post ‘What treasures are on your doorstep”

image of three ice creams in cones on a sky blue background, the cones appear to be honey comb, chocolate and raspberry ripple ice cream

You don’t need a long time to have a good time!

We can think that going to the beach or a tourist attraction takes all day. Often it doesn’t! If you have an afternoon or evening to spare, try going to the beach for an hour or two. Have a drive out, a bag of chips and a breath of sea air.

Pop into a stately home instead of a service station (if you have a membership pass of course!) as you travel up and down the country. The loos are often cleaner, and the food nicer (and cheaper), and there’s usually somewhere to stretch your legs. Or pop in for a picnic, or a walk or whatever if you have a spare couple of hours.

Meet friends for a walk and coffee at your local park or go for a walk in a wood rather than at a coffee shop!

Summer energy rest image of woman lounging in hammock in garden, she has dark hair which is tied back

It’s ok to rest a while

Summer lends itself to rest, time out and pursuing hobbies that don’t take much energy. Take an afternoon nap in the shade, read those books you’ve bought but haven’t started yet. Do some journaling or take up watercolour painting.

Read magazines (you can read them on your phone or tablet for free if you sign up to Leeds Library online and use their Libby app!)

Just enjoy the sensation of the sun on your skin and the wind blowing through your hair. You DON’T have to chase through summer at a fast pace (unless you want to!)

Things to try this summer…

 Some of my other blog posts you might enjoy! 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/time-to-rip-up-the-rule-book/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/uses-and-benefits-of-sweet-orange-essential-oil/ 

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins

Health & Wellbeing

Wellness wins through making small daily changes

Here are my top 10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins. If like most people you’re wanting to make a big difference to how you feel but don’t have a huge amount of time and or money these tips are for you!

wellness image of a pink alarm clock on a pink background

Start your day a calmer way

If you’re used to being blasted out of bed by a shrill alarm clock, or a radio alarm clock set to come on on the hour when they’re reading the news, maybe try getting it to come on at 15. 30 or 45 past the hour instead. This way the first thing you hear in the morning isn’t a shrill noise or bad news. If you’re used to a noisy radio channel, maybe try putting your favourite playlist on instead, or a calming radio station like clasicfm calm.

wellness image of a bird on a tree in a wood

Take a few minutes to arrive into the waking world.

For the first few minutes after waking up, don’t touch your phone or your iPad. Take time to open your eyes gently, maybe stretch before getting out of bed, allow yourself time to notice the sound of bird song, or the buzz of the traffic outside.

Take a minute to see how you feel, enjoy the peace for a few minutes.

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins meditate

Meditate, or at least take some deep breaths

If you’re able to, try spending 5 minutes taking some deep breaths, observing your breath and noticing any thoughts you might have that are distracting your focus away from the breath.

If you catch your thoughts wandering off, gently bring them back to the sensations of the breath going in and out of your nostrils. If you are able to you could spend longer, but even spending 5 mins on this can bring your whole body into a state of calm, ready to face the day.

Image of a plate of poached eggs tomatoes and spinachy for a healthy breakfast

Eat a healthy protein rich breakfast

Ensure you have something filling and protein based for breakfast. Avoid having just toast, or sugary cereal. Breakfast can be a great way of getting extra portions of fruit and vegetables into the whole family. Add fruit to porridge, tomatoes, mushrooms, sliced or smashed avocado and wilted spinach to a cooked breakfast

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins 10 min workout

Do a short workout if you can to get your body moving

There are loads of great short yoga, pilates and 10 minute morning workouts on youtube, and these are great ways of getting your blood pumping and your body moving again.

Alternatively try going for a short walk around the block even if it’s only for 10 -20 mins. Monikafit does some good 10 min workouts, link here

Tell yourself that today will be a good day, no matter what happens.

By this I mean that whatever happens today, you will respond calmly, and not let it affect the rest of your day. The Mindset Mentor has a fabulous podcast about this on Spotify to listen click here

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins make your bed

Make your bed and tidy your room

Leave the covers off your bed as you take your shower as this helps any moisture created overnight to evaporate a little, but then once you’ve had your shower and your breakfast, make your bed.

Leave your room looking tidy and inviting so that when you come home after a long day it’s there looking nice and like a sanctuary to relax in.

image of woman writing in her journal, she is wearing jeans and sat on a lawn

Keep a journal

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist”s Way suggests that we start each day by writing down three pages of stream of thought writing.

The idea is to get all those floating thoughts and ideas out of your head. Journaling can be a really good way of releasing unhelpful thoughts in a safe way. I find journals useful for saying all the things you’d like to say but can’t, or for working through problems.

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins seek glimmers of hope 1

Find glimmers of joy each day

Look for glimmers of hope, the sun shining through the trees, the way the light shines on a glass, beautiful sunrises and sunsets, the taste of your first cup of tea each morning. Relish the compliments you receive (and give others heartfelt compliments too!)

Stick to a regular sleeping and eating pattern where possible.

Your body relishes routine and likes to know what is coming next. Try going to bed at the same time each night and waking up each morning. Eating meals at a similar time of day also helps.

10 small daily habits that lead to big wellness wins jigsaw puzzle

Have a calmer end to the day

Lower the lights, take an evening walk. Try having something to do that doesn’t involve the tv. A jigsaw puzzle, magazine or a book, some art, craft, crochet, knitting, or a notebook and pen and put on some gentle music in the background.

Reset the sitting room and kitchen before you go to bed so you can come down in the morning and not feel grumpy at the mess.

Further Reading

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-upgrade-your-life/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/12-little-things-that-changed-my-life/ 

 

7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life

7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life

Thoughts

Fear can get in the way of us living our best and fullest lives by preventing us from reaching out and asking for things in case they don’t work out. We worry that we’re not enough so we try ever harder, or we feel like we’re too much so we dampen down our brightness to blend in. All of these things can prevent us from living life to the full. 

image of a woman holding her face as if she is facing the fear of humiliation

Fear of humiliation and rejection

One of the biggest fears that hold us back, is the fear of humiliation and rejection. How many times have you thought about applying for your dream job, but you’ve not actually applied for it in case you don’t get it or in case you get to interview and they ask you something you can’t answer. or ask you to do something you can’t do?

How often have you thought of asking for a discount in a shop but haven’t in case you get humiliated and or rejected? What about in your romantic life? Have you ever considered asking that special person on a date but then shied away in case they screech ‘ew no!’ and run away leaving you feeling rejected and humiliated?

image of a woman rejoicing to illustrate the fear of success

Fear of  success/ failure 

Now I don’t know about you, but I fear success and failure in equal measure. Part of me is scared to do things in case I fail and have to explain to people why I’m no longer doing whatever. So I don’t apply for that course, I don’t apply for that job, I don’t do anything that doesn’t have a virtually guaranteed acceptance rate.

Conversely  I also worry about being hugely successful and not being able to go about my daily life unnoticed. Many years ago a family friend used to shuffle to Spar in his slippers (his words not mine) and even though I have never ever needed to shuffle to Spar in my slippers the thought of being unable to do this terrifies me! 

Image of sassy women smiling to illustrate fear of being too much

Fear of not being enough 

Often we worry that we’re not enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not clever enough, not earning enough, not busy enough that we over compensate and end up trying way too hard to be enough.

Our need for perfection in all areas can hold us back from living our best lives because we spend too much time doing things to the highest standard, rather than doing them so they’re done. Trying too hard is exhausting. 

Fear of being too much 

The flip side of not being enough is the fear that we’re too much. Too loud, too confident, too vibrant, too independent, too whacky, too woo woo, too out there. So we dim our flame in an attempt to fit in.

But if you think of the people you like the most, I bet they are the ones who have the confidence to to be their real authentic selves, with bright hair and vibrant clothes and opinions on just about everything. So show your brightest light and let it be a lighthouse for other people to find their way too.

Image of a love heart made out of book pages to illustrate fear of not being loveable enough

Fear of not being loveable enough

We often worry about not being loveable enough. The media screeches at us that we need to be this way and look that way and do this or that in order to be loveable. But in fact we’re loveable just the way we are. We don’t need to have a face lift, loose 20 pounds or be perfect in order to be loved. You are loveable just the way you are.

Image of a hand putting a clock in the bin to illustrate fear of wasting time

Fear of wasting our time

Have you thought of writing a book, or starting a project but worried that if no one reads it or no one needs your product or service, you’ve simply wasted loads of time (and/or loads of money)

If you have, you’re not alone. I was thinking about this the other day then realised that I had spent (wasted?) loads of time watching all 248 episodes of Silent Witness. Time that I COULD have been writing books or starting new business enterprises etc.

Fear 7 ways fear gets in the way of living your best life other peoples opinion

Fear of other people’s thoughts and opinions

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing or wearing something because you worried what other people may think? Maybe you’re stuck in a corporate job that’s sucking the life out of your soul when you’d rather be a travel writer writing travel blogs from a camper van overlooking a beach.

Maybe you want to dye your hair bright colours or wear funky clothes but you think people may laugh or look down on you if you do? Maybe you yearn to downsize your home and your bills to live a simpler life but worry that people won’t get it or will look down on you for having a bijou residence?

Interestingly most people seem to be so wrapped up in their own ‘stuff’ to be that interested in what you’re doing. Those who do have an opinion generally seem to be in awe of what you do, wishing they too had the courage to downsize, free up time or be more vibrant with their look. 

Overcome fear, image of person stood on a rock like a muppet with a cloudy moody background

How to overcome these fears

Know that no one is that bothered about what you do, what you wear, or if you fail or succeed. Most people would be flattered to be asked out, even if they weren’t interested. You absolutely are loveable enough just as you are, and you’re just right for the right person. If you get a rejection see it as as blessing, you can then move on to the next thing/job/person, often there is something much better around the corner.

If you do write a book or start a new business venture you’re likely to learn loads of interesting things even if it doesn’t work out. Most people won’t judge you for trying, and those who do aren’t worth worrying about.

If you are successful you may well be able to get someone else to shuffle to Spar in their slippers  for you. It is safe to be playful and see what happens. 

Other articles you might like

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/

 

Struggling to concentrate? This may be why!

Struggling to concentrate? This may be why!

Health & Wellbeing

Are you struggling to concentrate? Find it hard to focus on anything for more than a few minutes? You’re not alone. It could be caused by the numerous distractions we face every day. 

Think back to your childhood. Chances are you would have had a postman and a landline, and if you were lucky enough a scattering of children who lived near by that you could hang out with.

As you got a bit older, chances are you would have had a desktop computer which you would sit at and do computer based things, before switching it off again to go about your day. At this point you would have had limited distractions and if you went out for the day you wouldn’t be contactable. So you would have had plenty of time to think and focus. You may have got home to a message on your answering machine, but other than that the time was your own without the constant distractions of today. There simply wasn’t the same amount of things vying for your attention back then.

Email came along and at that time was mainly photos from family, and friends sending jokes and memes to make you laugh, but in smallish quantities so you could easily go back to what you were doing without losing too much focus.

Then we got mobile phones which originally only had texting and calling facilities. It cost loads of money to make calls and send texts so again there were limited distractions.

Compare this to a modern phone with apps and games and social media platforms all vying for what’s left of your concentration, and companies emailing you to persuade you to buy this or that, or demanding for you let them know how highly you rated your trip to the public loo yesterday.

All these notifications make us break our focus and concentration, even if it is for a few seconds at a time. We are used to the excitement of  notifications, especially if we’re looking forward to hearing from someone special or waiting for the outcome of a job interview. On the one hand the notifications drive us mad but on the other we crave those likes on our Facebook posts, those comments on our tiktok videos and people favouriting our items on Vinted! 

We’re also faced with having way too many choices. Back in the day if we went out for coffee we would have a choice of filter coffee or tea. None of this would you like a skinny decaf frapalapacino nonsense back then. Our brains get faced with so many choices about the most mundane of things which cause us to be overstimulated and overstimulation is bad for concentration. We go into shops and are faced with a barrage of sights and sounds and smells, often cleverly crafted to help us make impulse purchases that we think we need but don’t. So we end up overstimulated, running on adrenaline and unable to concentrate fully.

 

What is the solution? How do we make it stop?

Firstly try turning off any unnecessary notifications. Unless you need your phone to ping at you constantly put it on silent or do not disturb. Hide notification badges for any app that you don’t consider to be crucial.

Take some time out where you switch off the tv and radio, put your phone in a different room on silent for a couple of hours. Turn the lights down low or switch them off . Just sit for a while. Sit in silence with no background noise, listen to your inner knowing, let the thoughts that you have come to the surface but don’t engage with them, let them float away, Take some big, long, deep breaths. Turn your email settings onto receiving emails way less frequently. Instead of every few minutes how about having them set to twice a day? *Obviously if you need to see them more often don’t do this, but if you can, try it.

Ensure you put time in your diary to do absolutely nothing so you can sit without distractions and let your body come back into its own natural balance. You will find that you will likely sleep better as you will naturally feel calmer and your stress levels will be reduced. Pencil in times of unbusyness so you can truly switch off and unwind.

Often we don’t realise how busy our lives are until we stop. I know that I didn’t appreciate quite how busy and at times noisy my life was until the other week when I went to a vigil at our local cathedral. There we had low lighting and silence. There were no mobile phones pinging, no notifications from any social media platforms, just companionable silence. Time to sit in silent contemplation. It was almost hypnotic and I could have stayed for longer as it felt super calming and soothing. It was then that I realised what a contrast that was with my usual everyday life. 

 

 

How to have more body confidence

How to have more body confidence

Mind Body Spirit

How to have more body confidence

Have you ever felt self-conscious about your body or wished you had more body confidence? If you’ve ever talked yourself out of doing or wearing something because of the way your body looks, this post is for you.

When I was younger it never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with my body. It was what it was. In those days I had ginger ringlets in my hair and big, bright blue eyes. Adults thought I looked cute, but children took the mickey out of me. I was ‘solidly built’ or ‘big boned’ as my mother would say. But I was ok with that. I couldn’t see what the fuss was about.

Image of three teenage girls reading magazines whilst having their hair wrapped in towels to illustrate body confidence

How to have more body confidence – don’t believe all you read in magazines

Then one fateful day as a teenager I read a quiz in a magazine aimed at teenage girls and no matter what answers you gave, it led you back to the point that you needed to change, that your body was flawed, it even hinted that you should hate one part of your body.  ‘Which bit of your body do you hate the most?’ It screeched. I didn’t hate my body. I don’t hate my body. It is what it is. But it got me thinking. Should I hate my body? Should I be looking for imperfections, or criticising my double chins or knobbly knees?

For years I looked at magazines and felt sad because I wasn’t super thin like ladies of the time in the media. I felt inadequate, unattractive. Worthless at times. This was ‘helpfully’ backed up by the narrative that you could only be attractive or confident if you lost loads of weight or had a conventional look. At the back of my mind I kept thinking was it not ok to simply accept every little bit of my body and just get on with life?

It took me a long, long time after this to realise that actually yes, I can certainly just accept the way my body is and learn to love it, without wasting precious hours worrying if I carry too much weight here, or if parts of me which once were pert and up there are now erm not!

Over the years I came to see that scars from accidents and operations, stretch marks, scars where chicken pox or acne once were, are just telling your story. See every scar and stretch mark like part of the tapestry of your life. I’ve learned to embrace my laughter lines as I only got them because I spent so much time crinkling my eyes up to laugh at something I found funny!

How do you get more body confidence?

Firstly, I would remember that people probably aren’t even thinking about which bits of you aren’t perfect. They’ve probably not even noticed. The truth is they’re more likely to be worrying about their own scars and saggy bits than worrying about yours! Or they might be noticing things they do like about you.

Think about when you meet someone for the first time. Are you conscious of thinking negative thoughts about their saggy bits or scars? I bet you aren’t. If you’re not, chances are they won’t be either. Once you realise that no one actually cares what you look like, you can heave a massive sigh of relief and feel more confident!

image of woman wearing green thick jumper holding her thumbs up

See your body as being exactly right as it is today.

The easiest way to get more body confidence is to see it for what it is, a fantastic. beautiful thing. What do you like about your body? Do you have good legs, or nice eyes? Have people complimented you on having luscious long hair maybe? In turn learn to love all the rest of it, exactly how it is today. Without losing or gaining pounds in weight, without having to shave or pluck it. Just as it is.

By all means do the pruning, shave your legs and paint your toenails if you like but don’t beat yourself up if you’ve not got around to it for a while.

Embrace every tiny part of you and know you are just right exactly how you are. You’re not too big, too fat, too thin, too small, too floppy, too flappy, too tall or too short. You are exactly right, just as you are.

Body confidence image of some funky necklaces on a warm background

Accentuate your good bits

Accentuate your good bits – draw attention towards them by wearing things that drag the eyes to what you want them to focus on. A bold piece of jewellery or an interesting lipstick can drag the eyes away from a bad hair day. Or wear interesting boots or jazzy socks or an unusual hat.

Image of a pair of jeans with the zip gaping. Illustrating body confidence

Wear the right clothes

Wear clothes that make you feel good. Good, well-fitting underwear, the right size jeans that fit snuggly but don’t nip you or randomly fall down make all the difference. Experiment with colour, texture and shapes. The right clothes, shoes and accessories can make you feel on top of the world. Ditch any clothes that make you feel awful especially if they don’t look good, or don’t fit properly.

If you have loads of clothes or shoes that you hardly wear, try re-auditioning them. Get them out of the cupboard and wear them once. If you find you still don’t gel with them, either post them on Vinted or donate them to a charity shop or charity donation bin.

image of a woman wearing a floppy sun hat on a beach at sunset to illustrate body confidence

How to get a beach ready body

If you’re worried if your body is ‘beach ready’ believe me, it is! Just grab a bag and your beach stuff and go! I’ve been to the beach 5 times in as many months and honestly just go! I dare you!

Read my other articles 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/easy-ways-to-improve-your-self-esteem/

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/what-is-self-love/

 

 

 

Burnout – what it is and what you can do about it!

Burnout – what it is and what you can do about it!

Thoughts

What is burnout?

Burnout can be defined as mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion caused by extreme stress or constant pressure, often over a lengthy period of time. It usually comes with a lack of motivation, and even the most enjoyable things in life lose their appeal. If you’ve ever wished the world could stop so you could get off for a while, you may well be suffering with some form of burnout. 

What causes burnout? 

Feeling like you have a lot of pressure, a stressful job, not enough hours in the day, not enough time to enjoy hobbies. Pressure you put yourself under to do a great job or be perfect can also lead to burn out. Masking to fit in with others in society can also lead to burnout. Having a lot of deadlines close together without any reprieve can also cause burnout. 

Physically people may burn out when they’re doing too much exercise, not getting enough sleep and /or not having regular healthy meals. 

How do I avoid burnout?

Firstly see if there is anything you can delegate to someone else – do you have to do everything on your list yourself? Often we can lessen our workloads by outsourcing things we don’t need to do ourselves to someone else. This may also include hiring a gardener or a cleaner (or both!)

If you’re struggling at work with your workload or are struggling to understand what is expected of you it may help to speak to your manager or supervisor to get their support and understanding. They may be able to lighten your load in some way.

Secondly ensure that you get the things you physically need. Enough sleep, plenty of good quality protein, fruit and vegetables. Staying hydrated. If you hate drinking water try adding something to it to make it taste better like a slice of lemon, or lime or cucumber. Or add ice or have it hot. 

Give yourself enough headspace and blank slots in the diary. We all need time to unwind, rest, potter and socialise. If your diary is looking too full see what you can cross out of it so you have time to do the things you love.

If possible have early nights or at least time each evening to unwind. Maybe switch off the tv, dim the lighting a little bit, put on some soft music or some candles and just breathe deeply.

The other week I was feeling a bit burned out so I got myself a jigsaw from the charity shop, put on a podcast and made a cup of tea and had a super chilled out evening mindfully putting the puzzle pieces in the right place! 

Think about what nourishes you emotionally and spiritually. Who and what makes your heart sing or set your soul on fire? Do more of the things that make you happy and avoid things that are negative for the sake of being negative. So switch off the news channels and unfollow the negative people from social media. Unfollow friends who always moan on social media.

Have something to look forward to – could be days out, meeting friends for coffee or lunch, play time for arts and crafting, trips to the coast, holidays, concerts or time to simply do nothing! 

What do I do if I burn out?

Cancel everything you can possibly cancel! Sometimes we just need to have a deep rest and reset.

Eat light foods that are nourishing and comforting. Cocoon yourself in a blanket. Go for walks or swims and get some fresh air. Take as many naps as you need. Watch funny movies, put on some cartoons. do some crafting. But be gentle on yourself and allow yourself the time to simply be for a while. Don’t push yourself to do anything strenuous. Talk nicely to yourself like you would talk to your best friend. Go gently. Keep stimulation to a minimum. If necessary dim the lights and put on soft music. Do the bare minimum you need to do to get through each day until you start to feel better.

Focus on getting plenty of sleep. Sleep helps to restore us and is great for the soul. You may need to invest in some blackout blinds or heavy curtains, or to buy a pillow mist, play a sleep podcast, get some different bedding – experiment with pillow heights and heavy blankets, often we need weighing down and the right pillow in order for us to be able to sleep effectively.

If you’re waking up in the night try having a little light supper before bed, especially something that involves some protein and carbohydrates. Having a set routine to going to bed and getting up again can be helpful as can having set meal times.

Have a series of massages, reflexology treatments or reiki sessions to unwind and support you. Managing stress is key with burnout. Alternatively look into mindfulness classes or something relaxing like yoga nidra.

Once you start to feel less burned out and feel like you’re on the road to recovery think about how you’d like your life to look. What would that look like? What steps can you take to make it happen? Sometimes we need to tweak things a little bit in order to create a life that supports and nourishes us.

This may include working fewer hours or changing roles entirely. Or it could involve giving up a volunteering role, or looking for something more in alignment with your current values and aspirations! It could be starting a new hobby or side hustle giving you a renewed sense of purpose. Often when we get burned out we lose that motivation and our va va voom! Having a really good reason to get out of bed on a morning can help ease burnout. 

Things to try:

Try my chicken and leek soup recipe for something that’s restorative https://www.mamacoopskitchen.co.uk/chicken-and-leek-soup/

 

Read my articles on sleep 

How long does burnout take to pass over?

This largely depends on the individual and how burned out they were. If you have a mild case of burnout it may pass over in as little as a few weeks but more extreme cases may take months or even years to pass over. 

How do I ensure burnout doesn’t happen again?

Whilst there are no guarantees that it won’t happen again, watch out for the warning signs, the sinking into mental, physical and emotional exhaustion and notice when motivation starts to dwindle and top up your levels with things that you love doing and attempt to delegate anything you as an individual don’t need to do yourself. Ensure that you always have something to look forward to and enough sleep, rest, exercise, water and good food. If you do find yourself heading towards burnout go gently on yourself for a while until it goes away again!

 

Time to rip up the rule book!

Time to rip up the rule book!

Thoughts

It’s time to rip up the rule book, here’s why!

Have you ever caught yourself obeying rules that were set by someone else? I’m not meaning the law or the highway code, (yes you do have to follow those rules!) but rules that someone else has made up for you, be it your mum, your family, society in general? I  believe that it’s time to rip up the rule book of all those outdated, unwarranted and unnecessary rules so we can achieve freedom and start living the life we want to live! 

Rip up the rule book rest when you need to

Rest when your body tells you to rest!

This thought process was sparked off in part by something that happened to me the other week. I was in bed feeling absolutely exhausted. It was a day when I didn’t have to be anywhere until lunchtime and my bones were feeling weary. At one point I’d had to check to see if somehow I’d got velcro velcroing me to the bed, I felt that tired!

My thought was that I needed to get up and get going, to do something productive. To be at my desk by 9 am tackling the pile of paperwork every self-employed person generates! Or to start wrestling with the washing pile or to do something… doing nothing seemed like a terrible waste of time somehow.

Then I thought of one of my friends who is very good at following her own biorhythms and who does honour herself when she needs to rest and I thought actually it’s ok to rest, there are no rules, you don’t HAVE to be up and at your desk, in full make up, showered and dressed at 9 am every day (I’m self-employed so my boss will indeed allow this. Those of you who are employed may not have this freedom, but certainly you can apply this principle during weekends and on days off)

In the end I had a 90 min nap and woke up feeling like a whole new woman so I must have needed some sleep that day!

Rip up the rule book image of young dark haired woman wearing a white jumper and denim dungarees on a blue sky background

Wear what you like!

The second incident that alerted me to this need to rip up the rule book was in a charity shop last week. I was mooching around the clothing section when I overheard a lady glumly announce that she couldn’t possibly wear the gorgeous green cargo pants that she had in her hands because she was 80! I couldn’t help it, I went marching over to her and told her that she absolutely could buy and wear the cargo pants because there are no rules stating that you can’t wear cargo pants once you’re 80!

Plus from my experience of wearing my llama drama dungarees, no one actually cares about what you’re wearing. I had felt a bit scared to wear my dungarees out in case someone had a negative opinion of them! I was a bit put out when no one batted a blooming eyelid!

All these years I’ve been playing it safe, wearing mumsy outfits so no one would think I’m bonkers (well, ok, those who know me may argue with that diagnosis but hey you know what I mean!) So my advice is that you wear what you want, (as long as it’s decent!) and if you need to rest a while and take time to recharge your own batteries, then absolutely do that! 

If you’d like to get a glimpse of my llama dungarees click here

Start new projects whenever makes sense for you!

Another stupid rule that I’ve subconsciously taken on board as my own include that you shouldn’t start a new project on a Friday ‘because it won’t get finished’ This was one of my mums big things, but it turns out that Friday is a day when I seem to be more energised and bushy tailed that other days of the week so for me starting something on a Friday would work. And frankly if I start something it’s way more likely to get finished than if I don’t start it.

rip up the rule book image of person splashing barefoot in a puddle

Do the fun stuff first!

My mum was also a big advocate of not doing anything fun until all your jobs have been done. Whilst I confess this morning I have run around attempting to get the house tidy before starting writing this, I do think doing all your jobs first and then having fun can be a bit like expecting your mobile phone to work before you’ve charged it up fully! So my thought is rip up that rule too and try doing something you love first before you start on the chores!

I find if I do my art, or writing or something creative – even spending a bit of time outdoors, I can get so much more done because I’m in the flow, my happy hormones are there.

I also find creative solutions to doing work and housework tasks if I’ve been creative before I start! I’m left feeling like my personal battery is on 100%.

So I’d highly recommend creating a new rule which gives you permission to do things in the way that makes sense for you. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else (Mother!) 

rip up the rule book choose a job you love, image of woman holding a coffee mug next to a laptop with job search written on it

Do the job that you love, not the job you’ve been told to have!

Many years ago my friends and I were sitting around the table in Sainsburys coffee shop (we know how to live life to the full!) and each of us had a story that essentially went ‘I wanted to be a ________ but my parents said I had to do ____________ so I trained to do _________ but I wasn’t happy so in the end I decided to do______ instead.’

It was interesting how we all had a version of this. I think often we can get so het up on what society wants to us to have (a big job, a big car, a big house, flashy holidays, responsibility and a big pension) and that’s absolutely fine if that’s what you want!

But so often what we want is to have a quiet life, with key people surrounding us and time to pursue our own interests and day trips to the beach. I know I aspire to that.

So if you’re not currently doing a job that sets your soul on fire, think about what you would like to do and see if you can do more of that, or if you can volunteer to do something more in alignment with the things you’d like to do.

Be a trailblazer as life is too short to be spending 40+ hours a week doing something that makes you grind your teeth at night.

rip up the rule book image of passports an ipad and the sea

Holidays don’t have to be for a long time, be a long way away or terribly expensive! 

Last year I didn’t take any time off at all, and got to the point by December I had crumbled into a big heap. This year I have decided to make a point of taking holiday days. I’ve realised that I always thought holidays need to be expensive, exotic, for a fortnight (at least!) and involve a lot of hassle.

I’ve realised this is another rule that needs to be ripped from the rule book! It is perfectly possible to feel like you’ve had a mini holiday by doing something as simple as going to the beach, spending a few two pence pieces in the arcade, having a bag of freshly made doughnuts and taking a photo of seagulls that stay still long enough!

Using apps like Skyscanner and Google Flights you can book holidays fairly cheaply it turns out! If you do some research on the internet you may find that there are ways of getting into major cities from airports without expensive taxi rides so it doesn’t need to be as expensive as you might think!

Other things you could do include visit local hotels that have a spa for a spa day, or simply take yourself out for lunch and visit a local museum or two! 

Further Reading:

Here’s a blog post I wrote years and years ago about my mini one day holiday in Harrogate https://sparkle442.blogspot.com/2014/02/what-treasures-are-on-your-doorstep.html 

Read my blog post on creating the life you want. 

https://www.sarahcooper.co.uk/how-to-create-the-life-you-want/ 

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