How to be kind to yourself

Are you kind to yourself or do you put everyone else first all the time? Whilst I’m not saying we should put ourselves first the whole time, it is a good idea to be kind to ourselves. To be self-kind, if you like.


What do we mean by being self-kind?

What is meant by being self-kind? I think of it as the point of balance between being selfish and being selfless. Being selfish is where you put your own needs and wants first the whole time without thinking of the other person, and being selfless is the opposite.

Being selfless is always putting everyone else first, which can lead you to feeling exhausted and burnt out, and unable to help anyone. If you’re feeling frazzled you’re not going to function at your best, you could end up exploding, crumpling into a heap or worse, becoming ill.

How to be kind to yourself-get the balance right

Being self-kind allows you to give and take in equal measure, where you’re being thoughtful and kind to your friends, family and colleagues but you’re also remembering that you too have wants and needs! It’s all about saying actually tonight I need a bath or an early night or this week I need a massage or reflexology treatment, or for someone else to make dinner please. Where you remember to pencil yourself in time to dedicate to your own hobbies, have some fun, go for a long walk, catch up with friends or simply have a nap! Where you allow others to help you for a while, rather than you always running around after others.

Preserve your energy for the things that matter 

Being self-kind involves preserving your energy for things that are a priority for you and for saying no to anything that zaps your energy. If you preserve your energy for those things that matter to you you will have more chance of being able to stay well and to be able to help others when they need it. Rather than collapsing in a heap, exhausted after running around looking after everyone else in your life. This is very much about your life mattering too. You’re as important as anyone else and that you deserve to have times of rest and replenishment as much as the next person.

Relaxation What is it and why is it so important 1

Speak kindly to yourself

Self-kindness  involves speaking to yourself in a kind way and showing yourself self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up every time things don’t quite go according to plan, speak to yourself in a kind way. Use encouraging words like you would to a small child. Allow yourself to try new things and experiment without needing  everything to be an amazing success right from the get go! Give yourself permission to play, to tweak and change how you do things until you do get the results you want. 

Look after your physical needs

  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet with lots of fruit and vegetables, plenty of good quality protein and the occasional treat!
  • Keep well hydrated
  • Get plenty of sleep
  • Manage your stress levels
  • Take some exercise
  • Take some time out when you need to
  • Allow yourself time to deeply rest

Accept yourself for how you are!

Another key part of being self-kind needs us to accept ourselves for how we truly are. Often we feel like we’re not enough (or conversely, too much!) because only we know our innermost thoughts, feelings and so on. We all know what we can’t do but we ARE all enough. The things we struggle with, our little imperfections are what makes us unique and loveable, 3D and wonderful! Our quirks and foibles aren’t something to be pushed to one side but something to be celebrated! 

Sarah Cooper

Sarah Cooper

I am a Reflexologist, Reiki Master Practitioner and Writer from Boroughbridge, North Yorkshire. I love writing about Health and Wellbeing, Mind Body Spirit and Reflexology. When I’m not at work, you can find me in the kitchen cooking up a storm!

If you’d like to book a treatment please go to


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